WOW! It’s been a LOOONG time since I Blogged.
I woke up this morning with my mind racing a million miles a minute and I was never able to get back to resting…to tell you the truth, I never really fell asleep. My mind wouldn’t let me. It’s like I had too many things to think about and think through to be able to sleep.
I think the main point of me beginning this blog is because I feel like I have a responsibility to people that maybe I haven’t been fully embracing lately and I want to work on that. Not that I’m something “special” to man-kind or anything like that at all…there are just times when I’m supposed to write. There are times that really good ideas and motivations get lost in the spaghetti bowl of thoughts, ideas and emotions that exist in my mind. For a long time I thought that if I shared these facets of myself, that I would be “showing my cards” so to speak. I was scared for a long time in my life that if I let people know the full range of powerful emotions that I felt, that they may in-turn use them against me. If you know what my kryptonite is…why wouldn’t you use it if you were a “bad-guy” to my “superman”. I’m far from being an actual super-hero but I aspire to be one someday! My goal has always been to be a “Renaissance Man”, maybe that’s what they’ll write on my tombstone.
Like a lot of what I write, I wasn’t sure what I was even supposed to be writing about…I just knew that I had to. If I’m getting to the point where too many thoughts are building up in my head, then clearly it’s time for a release.
I don’t have ANY clue who reads these things but I think today, I am supposed to write to someone in particular out there. Someone that feels lost and over-whelmed. With the intention of relating to you, I’ll tell you a quick story about myself.
If I had a nickel for how many times in my life that I have been lost and/or over-whelmed, I’d quit my job and buy Florida, Illinois and probably California! Still to this day I feel over-whelmed…still to this day I find myself looking around and trying to figure out where the heck I am! Matter of fact, I think it’s the only reason that I know ANYTHING on the subject.
So many times I look and reflect on the amount of time that I have sacrificed spending with Hannah versus doing the very difficult and time consuming job that I do. I can’t tell you how many times a week that tears well-up in my eyes because I miss her so much. I can’t tell you how many times a day I think about that little girl. I can’t tell you how many times I miss her each minute. I can’t tell you the feeling that floods my body when I know that I’m going to see her soon. I can’t tell you that it’s OKAY that I only get that feeling a couple times a week. It’s over-whelming. It causes me to doubt myself ALL of the time. If I let it, it could control me…cause me to lose focus…
I think my point is this. Being over-whelmed, lost, confused, sad, distraught, angry, stranded are all NORMAL human emotions…how we deal with them can make us super-human. Channeling the negative energy that is associated with all of these emotions and using that energy for your own good is one of the hardest tasks, but IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE! Realizing that may be the first step necessary to getting out of that ‘not so good’ place you may find yourself in. My Mom always tells me that “God doesn’t put ANYTHING on you that you can’t handle.” For a long time, I had that saying on my front door so that right before I left the house I would read it…everyday for YEARS. Taking the leap of faith to believe that fundamental truth makes ALL of the difference! I promise!
I’ve been in very dark places…sometimes I feel like it’s a constant battle to keep from going back to those places. It’s my opinion, though, that it’s very easy to take your hands off of the steering wheel of your life. It’s easy to give up. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself.
I am in a constant battle to stay focused and be the best man, father, son and soul mate that I can be. I’d rather take the hard road there…I think it means that I’m doing the right thing!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You are absolutley correct. The most evident problem is a duality that has been forming since capitalism mainstreamed. We have to live two almost seperate lives nowadays; the work life and the personal life.
ReplyDeleteOn the one hand there is our work life, filled with colleagues, coworkers, bosses and each day is similar, filled with work, emotions and intra-work tensions and stress. And regardless of the fact that work ends at 5 (or 6 or 7) we have to deal with these issues, This life is almost a life in and of itselfs. But when the day is over and we go home we can shed ourselves of all those emotions, tensions and feelings.
The personal life, on the other hand, is more intricate, like you said, it takes over both of our lives. Not only is it filled with tensions, emotions, worries, care, love, fear, etc. it's quit potent in effecting all facets of our life.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I agree, and that life is complicated and demands us to be a "superman"-esque person. The only PROBLEM now a days is that people are allowing the wrong life take over, we are allowing our work life to dominate our personal life and so in the office, all personal feelings and emotions are vacant, while the work feelings have begun to filter into the personal life.
Work is work, you can always find a new job. Family and friends are irreplacable, though. I'm pretty sure I just had waaay too many thoughts run through my head. Hope I made some sense.
Great post, by the way!