I just stepped in dog poop. I was annoyed for sure. I mean, who likes to step in dog poop. I was a fresh one too...haha. I thought it was a leaf on the ground. I knew that it was dark and I probably shouldn't have stepped on a foreign object but I gambled...and came up shitty.
Before I could even get my shoe off to walk upstairs barefoot before I cleaned it, I already knew that I was going to write.
Sometimes ya gotta step in dog poop. It's TRUE! Even though we are ever developing and learning we are bound to make mistakes. We're even bound to know that we are making the mistake. How many times have you known good and well that your decision wasn't the right one? Think about it...are you setting yourself up to step in dog poop? Than how can you be so mad about the fact that you stepped in it?
I'm going to do a better job of avoid dog poop...both actually and metaphorically. That's MY decision.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
To: the person that needs this
WOW! It’s been a LOOONG time since I Blogged.
I woke up this morning with my mind racing a million miles a minute and I was never able to get back to resting…to tell you the truth, I never really fell asleep. My mind wouldn’t let me. It’s like I had too many things to think about and think through to be able to sleep.
I think the main point of me beginning this blog is because I feel like I have a responsibility to people that maybe I haven’t been fully embracing lately and I want to work on that. Not that I’m something “special” to man-kind or anything like that at all…there are just times when I’m supposed to write. There are times that really good ideas and motivations get lost in the spaghetti bowl of thoughts, ideas and emotions that exist in my mind. For a long time I thought that if I shared these facets of myself, that I would be “showing my cards” so to speak. I was scared for a long time in my life that if I let people know the full range of powerful emotions that I felt, that they may in-turn use them against me. If you know what my kryptonite is…why wouldn’t you use it if you were a “bad-guy” to my “superman”. I’m far from being an actual super-hero but I aspire to be one someday! My goal has always been to be a “Renaissance Man”, maybe that’s what they’ll write on my tombstone.
Like a lot of what I write, I wasn’t sure what I was even supposed to be writing about…I just knew that I had to. If I’m getting to the point where too many thoughts are building up in my head, then clearly it’s time for a release.
I don’t have ANY clue who reads these things but I think today, I am supposed to write to someone in particular out there. Someone that feels lost and over-whelmed. With the intention of relating to you, I’ll tell you a quick story about myself.
If I had a nickel for how many times in my life that I have been lost and/or over-whelmed, I’d quit my job and buy Florida, Illinois and probably California! Still to this day I feel over-whelmed…still to this day I find myself looking around and trying to figure out where the heck I am! Matter of fact, I think it’s the only reason that I know ANYTHING on the subject.
So many times I look and reflect on the amount of time that I have sacrificed spending with Hannah versus doing the very difficult and time consuming job that I do. I can’t tell you how many times a week that tears well-up in my eyes because I miss her so much. I can’t tell you how many times a day I think about that little girl. I can’t tell you how many times I miss her each minute. I can’t tell you the feeling that floods my body when I know that I’m going to see her soon. I can’t tell you that it’s OKAY that I only get that feeling a couple times a week. It’s over-whelming. It causes me to doubt myself ALL of the time. If I let it, it could control me…cause me to lose focus…
I think my point is this. Being over-whelmed, lost, confused, sad, distraught, angry, stranded are all NORMAL human emotions…how we deal with them can make us super-human. Channeling the negative energy that is associated with all of these emotions and using that energy for your own good is one of the hardest tasks, but IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE! Realizing that may be the first step necessary to getting out of that ‘not so good’ place you may find yourself in. My Mom always tells me that “God doesn’t put ANYTHING on you that you can’t handle.” For a long time, I had that saying on my front door so that right before I left the house I would read it…everyday for YEARS. Taking the leap of faith to believe that fundamental truth makes ALL of the difference! I promise!
I’ve been in very dark places…sometimes I feel like it’s a constant battle to keep from going back to those places. It’s my opinion, though, that it’s very easy to take your hands off of the steering wheel of your life. It’s easy to give up. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself.
I am in a constant battle to stay focused and be the best man, father, son and soul mate that I can be. I’d rather take the hard road there…I think it means that I’m doing the right thing!
I woke up this morning with my mind racing a million miles a minute and I was never able to get back to resting…to tell you the truth, I never really fell asleep. My mind wouldn’t let me. It’s like I had too many things to think about and think through to be able to sleep.
I think the main point of me beginning this blog is because I feel like I have a responsibility to people that maybe I haven’t been fully embracing lately and I want to work on that. Not that I’m something “special” to man-kind or anything like that at all…there are just times when I’m supposed to write. There are times that really good ideas and motivations get lost in the spaghetti bowl of thoughts, ideas and emotions that exist in my mind. For a long time I thought that if I shared these facets of myself, that I would be “showing my cards” so to speak. I was scared for a long time in my life that if I let people know the full range of powerful emotions that I felt, that they may in-turn use them against me. If you know what my kryptonite is…why wouldn’t you use it if you were a “bad-guy” to my “superman”. I’m far from being an actual super-hero but I aspire to be one someday! My goal has always been to be a “Renaissance Man”, maybe that’s what they’ll write on my tombstone.
Like a lot of what I write, I wasn’t sure what I was even supposed to be writing about…I just knew that I had to. If I’m getting to the point where too many thoughts are building up in my head, then clearly it’s time for a release.
I don’t have ANY clue who reads these things but I think today, I am supposed to write to someone in particular out there. Someone that feels lost and over-whelmed. With the intention of relating to you, I’ll tell you a quick story about myself.
If I had a nickel for how many times in my life that I have been lost and/or over-whelmed, I’d quit my job and buy Florida, Illinois and probably California! Still to this day I feel over-whelmed…still to this day I find myself looking around and trying to figure out where the heck I am! Matter of fact, I think it’s the only reason that I know ANYTHING on the subject.
So many times I look and reflect on the amount of time that I have sacrificed spending with Hannah versus doing the very difficult and time consuming job that I do. I can’t tell you how many times a week that tears well-up in my eyes because I miss her so much. I can’t tell you how many times a day I think about that little girl. I can’t tell you how many times I miss her each minute. I can’t tell you the feeling that floods my body when I know that I’m going to see her soon. I can’t tell you that it’s OKAY that I only get that feeling a couple times a week. It’s over-whelming. It causes me to doubt myself ALL of the time. If I let it, it could control me…cause me to lose focus…
I think my point is this. Being over-whelmed, lost, confused, sad, distraught, angry, stranded are all NORMAL human emotions…how we deal with them can make us super-human. Channeling the negative energy that is associated with all of these emotions and using that energy for your own good is one of the hardest tasks, but IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE! Realizing that may be the first step necessary to getting out of that ‘not so good’ place you may find yourself in. My Mom always tells me that “God doesn’t put ANYTHING on you that you can’t handle.” For a long time, I had that saying on my front door so that right before I left the house I would read it…everyday for YEARS. Taking the leap of faith to believe that fundamental truth makes ALL of the difference! I promise!
I’ve been in very dark places…sometimes I feel like it’s a constant battle to keep from going back to those places. It’s my opinion, though, that it’s very easy to take your hands off of the steering wheel of your life. It’s easy to give up. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself.
I am in a constant battle to stay focused and be the best man, father, son and soul mate that I can be. I’d rather take the hard road there…I think it means that I’m doing the right thing!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Think fast!!
So many crazy things happen to me in my life and this was one of them. I'm SO happy that the events of the story are over so that I can finally laugh about them and more importantly, share them with you!
I guess the story starts last week when I found out that the baby sitter for Hannah on Tuesday nights (Cecily) wasn't going to be able to watch Hannah this Tuesday. Wouldn't be the biggest deal in the world and of course I want to have her anyway, but, Tuesday is a grooling day for me with meetings, paperwork, planning for the weekend at Le Passage etc. My record for most meetings in a day is 12. I had a meeting every hour or half-hour spread out over 15 hours...and I forgot to "schedule" myself a lunch AND dinner.Anyway, this Tuesday was no different than average and I finished my last meeting at 10:30pm. Hannah stayed over at her Daycare for a few hours tonight while I finished work. Hannah's Daycare sitter is Selene Garcia...she's AMAZING!! I feel so blessed to have her watch my little girl! I'm not going to go off on a tangent about her...I'll save it for another Blog!I get to Selenes right at 11pm, go in to get H and she wakes up...I like to think that it's because she heard Selene say that "Daddy is here to pick you up", but who knows. ;) either way, she blinks hard, rubs those big brown puppy dog eyes and whisper "Hi Daddy". I make her give me a few kisses on the way to my stupid truck (foreshadowing) and we head off to daddy's house.One thing none of you have EVER thought about that don't live in a big city is parking. The others that know a big city probably haven't ever thought about getting home at 11:30pm with a half sleep-induced infant and having to get them up 3 flights of stairs and put them down with out them waking up. Trust me...street parking isn't very friendly in my neighborhood!We get home. Hannah's half asleep. I park very close to my apartment and put my flashers on. The game plan was to get sleepy head up stairs, let her pass back out, move the car right around the block to a lot and get up with Hannah at 6:45/7am to move my truck. One thing you will all eventually realize...your plans don't mean squat when dealing with a 2 year old! Lol!!! I'm SO serious!As soon as we get into the house, she wants to watch Elmo...then brush her teeth, then drink milk, then play the tambarine, the read a book, then jump on the futon, then cuddle, then have a tickle fight, then turn on the light, then cry when you won't let her stand on the end table....TIME ELAPSE........1am.......MY FLASHERS ARE STILL ONNNNNNN!!!!!!!!I grab her and run back downstairs. I remember thinking how I've judged people for having their kids out so late but I will never do that again...maybe they were having a night very similar to the one I was experiencing...and was FAR from done experiencing...Sure enough, DEAD! I could tell from the sidewalk in from of my place. The flashers just didn't have the gusto that they normally did. Battery drained! I opened the door, put Hannah in her seat and tried to start the truck...to not avail.Pausing the story right now, I'd like to describe a feeling that I've only had a few times as a parent and it SUCKS! It's the feeling of being stranded WITH a child! Imagine feeling stranded by yourself and multiply that by ONE MILLION! We know that alone we can "get around", "figure it out", "make it happen", but when you have you kid there...you have to do it all while making sure that the life you protect and love so much is safe and sound.I stand there for a second thinking. I know that the building across the street has a battery charger on a dolly that they may let me wheel halfway down the block to my car...but it's too big to carry Hannah and maneuver the charger. I start to run through my list of people in Chicago that have vehicles...but that list is small and almost invisible when adding the factor that it's 1:15am now. Hmmmmm...what do I do. Hannah's getting impatient...she actually asks me to go home and go "night night". LOL! Of course she does!!Just then, a man walks out of the coffee shop across the street, looks over and asses my problem. Mind you, the coffee shop closed 3 hours ago at 10pm but I got lucky because tonight was one of their "after hours" gatherings and it was over RIGHT on time! The man, Steve, offered to give me a jump because funny enough, his car was parked directly in front of the shop. The fact that he was in the right place at the right time, had a car, had jumper cables AND offered to jump me should have been enough for me...but then I listened to his advice on where to place the cables...and it blew all of the fuses in my truck except for my head lights...and my brake lights. I didn't notice it right away because when I figured out that the cables were placed wrong, my truck started almost as soon as I got them in the right spot. What really sucked was that I had opened the driver side window because while I had the hood up I needed to still talk to Hannah. She was saying "it broken Daddy?" And "Daddy fix it". Now, I had a truck that started but that I can't park on the street because I can't close my window, no lights except for head lights, a little girl that's getting impatient because she wants milk and my milk went bad 2 days ago. Another moment of planning..."convenient store 2 blocks from here", "a private garage that I can beg to park in...I have a little girl with me...PLEASE GOD let them let me park".I pull around the corner to get milk and realize that I can't turn off the car because it's too soon, but I also can't close my window...damnit!!! I backed up to park directly in front of the fire hydrant in front of the store...at this point, I'd risk the ticket to avoid getting my truck stolen. Damnit again!! Someone just took the spot...hey wait...that's Hannah's Mommy....did I step into the twilight zone??? She works at Carmines on Rush street and we're 3.5 miles north of there and she lives 6 miles north of where we are now!! Apparently Melissa (Hannah's mommy) and Cecily, (who normally has Hannah on Tuesday) and were going to meet in the neighborhood for a "Mommy's night out drink" and that's why she was in the hood. What are the odds??Short story long...Hannah's Mommy watched her while I got milk, she followed me around the corner to make sure my fuse stricken vehicle didn't shut off, I plead with the garage attendant and paid him to take me in. Little did I know, he's in the same fraternity as me...he's a FATHER! He knows how crazy parking and having children can be! He also said that "there's NO WAY I could make up a story like that".Oh, by the way...it's 3:30am........Hannah's still up.
As soon as I finished writing this blog entry, Hannah finished playing with her sticker book. She came over, stuck her thumb in her mouth and climbed into my lap...within 7 minutes of rocking her, she passed out...I would do the whole adventure again for that to be the way it ended...
I guess the story starts last week when I found out that the baby sitter for Hannah on Tuesday nights (Cecily) wasn't going to be able to watch Hannah this Tuesday. Wouldn't be the biggest deal in the world and of course I want to have her anyway, but, Tuesday is a grooling day for me with meetings, paperwork, planning for the weekend at Le Passage etc. My record for most meetings in a day is 12. I had a meeting every hour or half-hour spread out over 15 hours...and I forgot to "schedule" myself a lunch AND dinner.Anyway, this Tuesday was no different than average and I finished my last meeting at 10:30pm. Hannah stayed over at her Daycare for a few hours tonight while I finished work. Hannah's Daycare sitter is Selene Garcia...she's AMAZING!! I feel so blessed to have her watch my little girl! I'm not going to go off on a tangent about her...I'll save it for another Blog!I get to Selenes right at 11pm, go in to get H and she wakes up...I like to think that it's because she heard Selene say that "Daddy is here to pick you up", but who knows. ;) either way, she blinks hard, rubs those big brown puppy dog eyes and whisper "Hi Daddy". I make her give me a few kisses on the way to my stupid truck (foreshadowing) and we head off to daddy's house.One thing none of you have EVER thought about that don't live in a big city is parking. The others that know a big city probably haven't ever thought about getting home at 11:30pm with a half sleep-induced infant and having to get them up 3 flights of stairs and put them down with out them waking up. Trust me...street parking isn't very friendly in my neighborhood!We get home. Hannah's half asleep. I park very close to my apartment and put my flashers on. The game plan was to get sleepy head up stairs, let her pass back out, move the car right around the block to a lot and get up with Hannah at 6:45/7am to move my truck. One thing you will all eventually realize...your plans don't mean squat when dealing with a 2 year old! Lol!!! I'm SO serious!As soon as we get into the house, she wants to watch Elmo...then brush her teeth, then drink milk, then play the tambarine, the read a book, then jump on the futon, then cuddle, then have a tickle fight, then turn on the light, then cry when you won't let her stand on the end table....TIME ELAPSE........1am.......MY FLASHERS ARE STILL ONNNNNNN!!!!!!!!I grab her and run back downstairs. I remember thinking how I've judged people for having their kids out so late but I will never do that again...maybe they were having a night very similar to the one I was experiencing...and was FAR from done experiencing...Sure enough, DEAD! I could tell from the sidewalk in from of my place. The flashers just didn't have the gusto that they normally did. Battery drained! I opened the door, put Hannah in her seat and tried to start the truck...to not avail.Pausing the story right now, I'd like to describe a feeling that I've only had a few times as a parent and it SUCKS! It's the feeling of being stranded WITH a child! Imagine feeling stranded by yourself and multiply that by ONE MILLION! We know that alone we can "get around", "figure it out", "make it happen", but when you have you kid there...you have to do it all while making sure that the life you protect and love so much is safe and sound.I stand there for a second thinking. I know that the building across the street has a battery charger on a dolly that they may let me wheel halfway down the block to my car...but it's too big to carry Hannah and maneuver the charger. I start to run through my list of people in Chicago that have vehicles...but that list is small and almost invisible when adding the factor that it's 1:15am now. Hmmmmm...what do I do. Hannah's getting impatient...she actually asks me to go home and go "night night". LOL! Of course she does!!Just then, a man walks out of the coffee shop across the street, looks over and asses my problem. Mind you, the coffee shop closed 3 hours ago at 10pm but I got lucky because tonight was one of their "after hours" gatherings and it was over RIGHT on time! The man, Steve, offered to give me a jump because funny enough, his car was parked directly in front of the shop. The fact that he was in the right place at the right time, had a car, had jumper cables AND offered to jump me should have been enough for me...but then I listened to his advice on where to place the cables...and it blew all of the fuses in my truck except for my head lights...and my brake lights. I didn't notice it right away because when I figured out that the cables were placed wrong, my truck started almost as soon as I got them in the right spot. What really sucked was that I had opened the driver side window because while I had the hood up I needed to still talk to Hannah. She was saying "it broken Daddy?" And "Daddy fix it". Now, I had a truck that started but that I can't park on the street because I can't close my window, no lights except for head lights, a little girl that's getting impatient because she wants milk and my milk went bad 2 days ago. Another moment of planning..."convenient store 2 blocks from here", "a private garage that I can beg to park in...I have a little girl with me...PLEASE GOD let them let me park".I pull around the corner to get milk and realize that I can't turn off the car because it's too soon, but I also can't close my window...damnit!!! I backed up to park directly in front of the fire hydrant in front of the store...at this point, I'd risk the ticket to avoid getting my truck stolen. Damnit again!! Someone just took the spot...hey wait...that's Hannah's Mommy....did I step into the twilight zone??? She works at Carmines on Rush street and we're 3.5 miles north of there and she lives 6 miles north of where we are now!! Apparently Melissa (Hannah's mommy) and Cecily, (who normally has Hannah on Tuesday) and were going to meet in the neighborhood for a "Mommy's night out drink" and that's why she was in the hood. What are the odds??Short story long...Hannah's Mommy watched her while I got milk, she followed me around the corner to make sure my fuse stricken vehicle didn't shut off, I plead with the garage attendant and paid him to take me in. Little did I know, he's in the same fraternity as me...he's a FATHER! He knows how crazy parking and having children can be! He also said that "there's NO WAY I could make up a story like that".Oh, by the way...it's 3:30am........Hannah's still up.
As soon as I finished writing this blog entry, Hannah finished playing with her sticker book. She came over, stuck her thumb in her mouth and climbed into my lap...within 7 minutes of rocking her, she passed out...I would do the whole adventure again for that to be the way it ended...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Blog Post 6.24.09 The Importance of Rainy Days
How about THIS!! A barrage of BLOGS!
This blog is about:
The importance of rainy days!
Think about it...how do you even KNOW that a day is beautiful? How do you KNOW you are having a good day? How do you KNOW that someone is a good parent?
I'll tell you. You have seen and appreciated the reciprocal of each of them.
Even though you say that the cloudy, cold, gloomy and wet day "blows", you are recognizing it for what it is. When you drop your cell phone in the toilet and stub you toe and get a parking ticket all in the matter minutes, you may say that it sucks, but it's important that you do so. When you see that parent in a grocery store that let's their kid pull everything off of the shelf and throw it at YOU while in line behind them, you acknowledge their negligence...key!!
I have such an ODD point...and I love it!!
The point is that EVERYTHING that happens to you that sucks is equally as good as what happens to you that is awesome. I'll explain.
Q: How do you know that a day is beautiful?
A: because you know what a rainy day is.
Q: how do you know a good manager/co-worker?
A: because you've had a bad one
Q: how do you know a bad parent?
A: because you witnessed one...whether it was in a grocery store or in your own home.
Q: how do we as human being judge anything as good?
A: because we have seen things in our life that ARE NOT good, therefore we make conclusions based on what our reality has been.
Please don't let me confuse the purity of having a great parent (my mother is one) or seeing a well behaved child or having a great day! Those are all things that establish, reinforce and solidify what is good in the world. You must understand that I am an Uber-optimist!! I'm a little nutty with how positively I see things sometimes and I realize that some people think that I'm crazy for being so, but hear this nut case out!
We are HUMAN beings. That's inescapable! Have you ever had a great day BUT at the end of it get into a fight with your loved one? The next day, what do you remember? The fight. Have you ever gotten a car wash that was damn near perfect and then rolled down the windows before they were dry? What do you remember? The streaks. Have you ever had a series of positive events somehow get out weighed by a negative one?
I find such an amazing message in human beings' proclivity to focus and obsess on the negative!! I don't think it's any mistake that we do so either! I think it's something that should be harnessed!
That's right! Focus on it! Recognize it and breath it into you lungs! It's the only way to absolutely appreciate ALL of the good that happens to us.
Without rainy days, sunny ones would be "just another day". Think about it. Without failure, how is it possible to succeed?
A wise person once told me that "Wisdom is the application of knowledge learned". Notice that they didn't say that "wisdom is the application of positive knowledge learned" or that "wisdom is the application of knowledge learned that feels good". Basically, that means that EVERYTHING that happens to us should be used to make us stronger and better. Every joy, pain, sadness, love, tragedy, deception (and so on, and so on) happens to us in order to make us understand something else about life and ourselves.
I think it's important to feel things that are negative AS much as it's important to feel bliss! I don't think it's an an easy task to remain respective of the bad things that happen as it is to revel in the good, however, it's crucially important!
Maybe one day I'll share with you how it is my opinion that my father, who did so many things wrong, helps me daily be a great daddy to Hannah. The individual accounts are irrelevant when I look back on the overall fact that he made me a better person by showing me what NOT to do in life. Again, it was so important to recognize my mother for her righteousness and pure example of parenting to make me the man I am today. However, without recognition of the balance between good and evil, I'd be less of a man today.
Blog post 6.23.09
First of all, I'm sorry that this Blog took so long for me to write! It's been in my head for some time now and I'm glad to finally hit the release valve and let it flow to a printed version of my thoughts! It's been a very busy few weeks since my last entry!
June 11th was Hannah Marie's 2nd birthday and the 14th was her birthday party! My entire extended family came up from Florida to celebrate with us and it was amazing! Mommy, Aunt Donna, Jamia, Justice and Jon Jon, thank you so much for flying here and making Hannah's birthday such a special one!! The show still went on at the nightclub but it was SO nice to have my family in town that week.
Right after that, I had to play a little catch up on all of my work and then roll straight into the next weekend and then Father's Day! I never knew how blessed I would feel every father's day...it's so amazing to have the opportunity to be a daddy that I sometimes wonder why I'm the one being celebrated. I mean, she's MY blessing. Even more than that, it's my responsibility and ultimate dedication to be an influential part of her life...I couldn't help but feel that I wanted to make fathers out there realize what it is to carry the torch of life. It's not a light load. It's nothing to take for granted.
We owe our children so much because it is US that they rely on...US they learn from...and US that keeps them safe from harm...or at least equip to deal with it. The whole day, all I thought was "Isn't this what I'm supposed to be doing?". It almost made me a little uncomfortable because what I do for Hannah isn't abnormal...it should be normal...why isn't it?
I have started to write a pamphlet on how to be a good dad! It's going to be simple...fun...able to relate to a lot of the different situations that Dad's find themselves in. Here's a sample of a few of the topics:
Dads
Wear cargo shorts/pants whenever possible - you can fit diapers, a small box of wipes, a snot rag and a brush all in one pocket. Recommendations for the second pocket - snacks!! Make sure you include at least 1 juice box!
Keep your kid clean!!! There's nothing worse than a kid that looks like they washed their face in snot and then dusted themselves with food crumbs! I didn't say this is easy...and to a certain extent, clothes are an exception. Just wipe em up every once an hour and you'll be fine!
Watch your juevos!!! Yes...I'm talking about your testicles!! Kids have NO CLUE how bad they hurt when caught under a little foot and it WILL happen! You have to be like a prize fighter and anticipate where ALL of their little extremities will land...otherwise...no little brothers or sisters...
Lmao!! Yep...I think the "Watch your Juevos" section is funny as hell AND important! They never tell you that in baby classes! They only tell you about taking care of your CURRENT baby...not making sure you are able to have another!
I don't think I'll be done with that pamphlet for awhile because I learn so much every time I'm with Hannah. The time we spend is so precious because I don't have the luxury of having her all of the time...I think it actually has strengthened my learning curve though. I'm so in tuned with that little person when we are together that I can tell you that most of the time, I know what she's thinking or doing regardless of my proximity to her. True story, I wake up seconds before her ALL the time! It's weird!!
So how does being a daddy tie into being the General Manager of a nightclub? Believe it or not, a lot of the same qualities translate directly.You have to care about people and their lives very similarly. You have to realize that sometimes you have to make hard decisions that affect people and that they may not understand it at that very moment. Hannah doesn't understand why I won't let her jump up and down on my end table and play with the light switch but I have to have the foresight to know that the pickle juice on her little fingers will act as a conductor in an electrical socket...and that it's a long way down if she falls.
Of course it's a lot more formal when you bust someones chops for being late to work...but...it's a very similar principle. It's foresight. If they are late, it could impact the health of the night.
Even though the similarities are endless, the fact is that as a leader, you have to always remain in touch with people. I listen to Hannah when she needs something the same way I listen to my staff. It's also okay if Hannah cries sometimes. It's okay if she doesn't always get what she wants. It's okay if she gets a little mad at me because I scold her. That's all part of the process of development.
Someone recently said that I was exploiting Hannah to promote Le Passage... That's the funniest and most absurd thing I've ever heard. I tell these stories and give my thoughts to the world in order to make some sort of correlation between the insanity that I work in and the love of my life. If that's not what you get from these pieces, please stop reading them. I do everything that I do for my little girl...including download my thoughts and express things that are sometime pent up inside of me.
Initially, I started writing this blog in order to highlight some of the craziness I deal with during the weekend and how ironic that was to being the father of a little girl. This has definitely evolved into something much more. Now, it's a chronicle of how I stay sane and focused in the insanity...I just want my little girl to be proud of me. All of the temptations that come with my position are trivial in comparison to her.
June 11th was Hannah Marie's 2nd birthday and the 14th was her birthday party! My entire extended family came up from Florida to celebrate with us and it was amazing! Mommy, Aunt Donna, Jamia, Justice and Jon Jon, thank you so much for flying here and making Hannah's birthday such a special one!! The show still went on at the nightclub but it was SO nice to have my family in town that week.
Right after that, I had to play a little catch up on all of my work and then roll straight into the next weekend and then Father's Day! I never knew how blessed I would feel every father's day...it's so amazing to have the opportunity to be a daddy that I sometimes wonder why I'm the one being celebrated. I mean, she's MY blessing. Even more than that, it's my responsibility and ultimate dedication to be an influential part of her life...I couldn't help but feel that I wanted to make fathers out there realize what it is to carry the torch of life. It's not a light load. It's nothing to take for granted.
We owe our children so much because it is US that they rely on...US they learn from...and US that keeps them safe from harm...or at least equip to deal with it. The whole day, all I thought was "Isn't this what I'm supposed to be doing?". It almost made me a little uncomfortable because what I do for Hannah isn't abnormal...it should be normal...why isn't it?
I have started to write a pamphlet on how to be a good dad! It's going to be simple...fun...able to relate to a lot of the different situations that Dad's find themselves in. Here's a sample of a few of the topics:
Dads
Wear cargo shorts/pants whenever possible - you can fit diapers, a small box of wipes, a snot rag and a brush all in one pocket. Recommendations for the second pocket - snacks!! Make sure you include at least 1 juice box!
Keep your kid clean!!! There's nothing worse than a kid that looks like they washed their face in snot and then dusted themselves with food crumbs! I didn't say this is easy...and to a certain extent, clothes are an exception. Just wipe em up every once an hour and you'll be fine!
Watch your juevos!!! Yes...I'm talking about your testicles!! Kids have NO CLUE how bad they hurt when caught under a little foot and it WILL happen! You have to be like a prize fighter and anticipate where ALL of their little extremities will land...otherwise...no little brothers or sisters...
Lmao!! Yep...I think the "Watch your Juevos" section is funny as hell AND important! They never tell you that in baby classes! They only tell you about taking care of your CURRENT baby...not making sure you are able to have another!
I don't think I'll be done with that pamphlet for awhile because I learn so much every time I'm with Hannah. The time we spend is so precious because I don't have the luxury of having her all of the time...I think it actually has strengthened my learning curve though. I'm so in tuned with that little person when we are together that I can tell you that most of the time, I know what she's thinking or doing regardless of my proximity to her. True story, I wake up seconds before her ALL the time! It's weird!!
So how does being a daddy tie into being the General Manager of a nightclub? Believe it or not, a lot of the same qualities translate directly.You have to care about people and their lives very similarly. You have to realize that sometimes you have to make hard decisions that affect people and that they may not understand it at that very moment. Hannah doesn't understand why I won't let her jump up and down on my end table and play with the light switch but I have to have the foresight to know that the pickle juice on her little fingers will act as a conductor in an electrical socket...and that it's a long way down if she falls.
Of course it's a lot more formal when you bust someones chops for being late to work...but...it's a very similar principle. It's foresight. If they are late, it could impact the health of the night.
Even though the similarities are endless, the fact is that as a leader, you have to always remain in touch with people. I listen to Hannah when she needs something the same way I listen to my staff. It's also okay if Hannah cries sometimes. It's okay if she doesn't always get what she wants. It's okay if she gets a little mad at me because I scold her. That's all part of the process of development.
Someone recently said that I was exploiting Hannah to promote Le Passage... That's the funniest and most absurd thing I've ever heard. I tell these stories and give my thoughts to the world in order to make some sort of correlation between the insanity that I work in and the love of my life. If that's not what you get from these pieces, please stop reading them. I do everything that I do for my little girl...including download my thoughts and express things that are sometime pent up inside of me.
Initially, I started writing this blog in order to highlight some of the craziness I deal with during the weekend and how ironic that was to being the father of a little girl. This has definitely evolved into something much more. Now, it's a chronicle of how I stay sane and focused in the insanity...I just want my little girl to be proud of me. All of the temptations that come with my position are trivial in comparison to her.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Family and Sacrifice
Enter - the crowded service bar after a long 4 day weekend at Le Passage. It's Monday morning at 4:15 am...the shift ended 15 minutes ago and started at 9:30pm Sunday (even earlier if you came in to decorate for the Memorial Day celebration.) Long story short, it was a crazy week for us and now we were done...having a cocktail together and sharing the war stories of our week. Laughter fills the room of people and a high-five is delivered between co-workers. Then another, and another. Someone turns to one of the new security guys with their hand up and extended in the high-five position and he looks at the person like she's stupid. "I don't do high-fives" he says. Immediately the room grows uncomfortable and quite. (Kind of funny to witness 1st hand...you would have thought a racial slur came out of his mouth or something!) Out of respect for the fired, I'll call him "new guy". He couldn't get over himself or his little smug attitude enough to give a stupid high-five! Yep...that's right...I fired someone for not giving out high-fives. "Joel you are such a jerk!! Why would you do that??". I'll explain.
At Le Passage, we have cultivated a family. A lot of blood, sweat and tears goes into maintaining a family, both a true blood family and one that is built with people you respect and love...on where work ethic is strong and focused TOGETHER on the shift.
Back to the new guy...
I'm very receptive to people and their pasts. I understand feeling like you are on an island by yourself because their is so much camaraderie that it makes you feel weird or out of place. I also know that you have to keep your eyes open to your environment and how TO or NOT TO be part of it. I mean, hell, if I hadn't made a conscious effort to leave my neighborhood and the shadyness that I could have gotten myself wrapped up in, I'd be dead or in jail right now...true story. It's my opinion that it is AS important to know what to gravitate TOWARD as it is to know what to separate yourself from. Make sense? Turning your back on evil is only half of it...you have to know when to walk towards the good.
Aside from the non-high-fiver that he was, over the 3 days that he worked here he never decided to be part of the team. Do I think that is his fault? No. I just made the decision that in the mean time while he's out there on an island, shit can go down. I run a nightclub. If I don't know 100% that each of my guys can and will do everything in their power to keep our guests and staff safe then I can no longer work with that person. If you "don't do high-fives" then what else don't you do because you take yourself so seriously? We aren't security...we are hosts. We don't elevate the problem...we pro actively prevent them. We tell people thank you for coming because we appreciate that without them, we would be nothing. At the end of the story, I think "new guy" will put that hand up and probably over zealously smack the next high-five hand he sees.
As far as the sacrifice for family goes, sometimes you have to step outside of the situation and observe it for more than it is on that given day or week or month or year. To date, the biggest sacrifice that I have made becoming the General Manager of Le Passage has been the time that I have sacrificed with my little girl.
NO EXAGGERATION - for the 1st 18 months of her life, I had Hannah 6 days a week in the morning and worked 6 days a week at night. My schedule was literally nutz! During the 1st stage of being a daddy, I was bartending /managing a bar in wicker park. I would get out at 2 or 3 and have Hannah at 6:30am every morning. I got to sleep on Tuesday mornings because Hannah's Mommy (Melissa) worked at night on Tuesdays. I had my little angel a lot of the time then. That was very important to me. I was there for her 1st words, her first steps, 1st diaper BLOW OUTS, her 1st roll over, sit up...you name it...I was there. We couldn't afford daycare at the time but even if we could, I would have rathered sleep for 3 hours a night and catch a nap in between Daddy duty and work in order to be there.
I didn't expect to be the GM of LP...I was walking down the street 3 months after I had quit my job because of my principles (a story that I will happily share with my daughter one day). My phone rings and it is the assistant General Manager of LP at the time asking me if I can work in 2 hours. I had walked about a mile and a half south of my house for 2 reasons. 1) walking is free...I was so broke that I was beginning to wonder if my morals had gotten in the way of me providing for my little girl...I was sad. And 2) I had nothing better to do on a Saturday night.When I get the call, I realized that I didn't have enough $ to catch a cab back to my house so I ran home. Showered, shaved, grabbed my bar bag and caught the bus to work. I got there at 9:02pm. Officially the 1st and only time I have ever been late for my 1st day on the job. Long story short, the next week I had another shift, 2 weeks later I had 2 shifts, 3 weeks later I got the busy bar, a month after that they asked me to be the head bartender and about 3 months after that they asked me to be the GM. It's funny how fate works...my first exposure to a nightclub was Le Passage and it was also my first nightclub bartending job. Le Passage is also where I met the mother of my child. Who knew that 5 years later, I'd be back as the GM? As good as I feel about that story, I knew that accepting my current job would be a huge sacrifice of my time. Sounds crazy, right? We're open 3 nights a week but I work damn near every day...a lot goes into creating, maintaining and executing a great party every week people. It's taken a lot to get people to believe in me as their leader but even more so as their equal. I tell people all the time that we work together...no one works FOR me...only WITH me. I believe that what I am doing, even though I now only have 2 MAYBE 3 days with my daughter, is the right thing. Looking to her future I see school, clothes, toys, shotguns (for me and her crazy uncles), cars, college, a wedding and grand children. It's a well-known fact that full-time tip-based employees (bartenders, servers, etc) make more money than most industry manager! If you divide the amount of hours a week that we work, there is NO ONE that gets paid as low as the managers! Lol! But that's ooooooooookay...I feel like this was the best move for me to grow into a better business man and provider for Hannah. I know that I made the right decision. I am growing. The business is growing by the week. The buzz is growing. All I want is for people to know that I was associated with it...there's plenty of credit to be distributed amongst my team...my family.
I really didn't know that this blog was going to go like this...I can't help it, nor do I want to. My mommy always tells me that if you share what God has blessed you with and it reaches ONE person then you have done well. Hey...I'm a competitor!! I want to reach at least 2 peeps! Lol! Bye!
Sacrifice is good IF it's for a reason...sacrifice is GREAT if it's for family. - Joel D. Barnes
At Le Passage, we have cultivated a family. A lot of blood, sweat and tears goes into maintaining a family, both a true blood family and one that is built with people you respect and love...on where work ethic is strong and focused TOGETHER on the shift.
Back to the new guy...
I'm very receptive to people and their pasts. I understand feeling like you are on an island by yourself because their is so much camaraderie that it makes you feel weird or out of place. I also know that you have to keep your eyes open to your environment and how TO or NOT TO be part of it. I mean, hell, if I hadn't made a conscious effort to leave my neighborhood and the shadyness that I could have gotten myself wrapped up in, I'd be dead or in jail right now...true story. It's my opinion that it is AS important to know what to gravitate TOWARD as it is to know what to separate yourself from. Make sense? Turning your back on evil is only half of it...you have to know when to walk towards the good.
Aside from the non-high-fiver that he was, over the 3 days that he worked here he never decided to be part of the team. Do I think that is his fault? No. I just made the decision that in the mean time while he's out there on an island, shit can go down. I run a nightclub. If I don't know 100% that each of my guys can and will do everything in their power to keep our guests and staff safe then I can no longer work with that person. If you "don't do high-fives" then what else don't you do because you take yourself so seriously? We aren't security...we are hosts. We don't elevate the problem...we pro actively prevent them. We tell people thank you for coming because we appreciate that without them, we would be nothing. At the end of the story, I think "new guy" will put that hand up and probably over zealously smack the next high-five hand he sees.
As far as the sacrifice for family goes, sometimes you have to step outside of the situation and observe it for more than it is on that given day or week or month or year. To date, the biggest sacrifice that I have made becoming the General Manager of Le Passage has been the time that I have sacrificed with my little girl.
NO EXAGGERATION - for the 1st 18 months of her life, I had Hannah 6 days a week in the morning and worked 6 days a week at night. My schedule was literally nutz! During the 1st stage of being a daddy, I was bartending /managing a bar in wicker park. I would get out at 2 or 3 and have Hannah at 6:30am every morning. I got to sleep on Tuesday mornings because Hannah's Mommy (Melissa) worked at night on Tuesdays. I had my little angel a lot of the time then. That was very important to me. I was there for her 1st words, her first steps, 1st diaper BLOW OUTS, her 1st roll over, sit up...you name it...I was there. We couldn't afford daycare at the time but even if we could, I would have rathered sleep for 3 hours a night and catch a nap in between Daddy duty and work in order to be there.
I didn't expect to be the GM of LP...I was walking down the street 3 months after I had quit my job because of my principles (a story that I will happily share with my daughter one day). My phone rings and it is the assistant General Manager of LP at the time asking me if I can work in 2 hours. I had walked about a mile and a half south of my house for 2 reasons. 1) walking is free...I was so broke that I was beginning to wonder if my morals had gotten in the way of me providing for my little girl...I was sad. And 2) I had nothing better to do on a Saturday night.When I get the call, I realized that I didn't have enough $ to catch a cab back to my house so I ran home. Showered, shaved, grabbed my bar bag and caught the bus to work. I got there at 9:02pm. Officially the 1st and only time I have ever been late for my 1st day on the job. Long story short, the next week I had another shift, 2 weeks later I had 2 shifts, 3 weeks later I got the busy bar, a month after that they asked me to be the head bartender and about 3 months after that they asked me to be the GM. It's funny how fate works...my first exposure to a nightclub was Le Passage and it was also my first nightclub bartending job. Le Passage is also where I met the mother of my child. Who knew that 5 years later, I'd be back as the GM? As good as I feel about that story, I knew that accepting my current job would be a huge sacrifice of my time. Sounds crazy, right? We're open 3 nights a week but I work damn near every day...a lot goes into creating, maintaining and executing a great party every week people. It's taken a lot to get people to believe in me as their leader but even more so as their equal. I tell people all the time that we work together...no one works FOR me...only WITH me. I believe that what I am doing, even though I now only have 2 MAYBE 3 days with my daughter, is the right thing. Looking to her future I see school, clothes, toys, shotguns (for me and her crazy uncles), cars, college, a wedding and grand children. It's a well-known fact that full-time tip-based employees (bartenders, servers, etc) make more money than most industry manager! If you divide the amount of hours a week that we work, there is NO ONE that gets paid as low as the managers! Lol! But that's ooooooooookay...I feel like this was the best move for me to grow into a better business man and provider for Hannah. I know that I made the right decision. I am growing. The business is growing by the week. The buzz is growing. All I want is for people to know that I was associated with it...there's plenty of credit to be distributed amongst my team...my family.
I really didn't know that this blog was going to go like this...I can't help it, nor do I want to. My mommy always tells me that if you share what God has blessed you with and it reaches ONE person then you have done well. Hey...I'm a competitor!! I want to reach at least 2 peeps! Lol! Bye!
Sacrifice is good IF it's for a reason...sacrifice is GREAT if it's for family. - Joel D. Barnes
Friday, May 22, 2009
5.23.09 - My first 1st blog
So, the idea of writing a blog has been rolling around in my head for. some time now. I recently reached out to my friends on Twitter and Facebook to help me name the collection of my writings. The message asked what I should name a blog that essentially is about being the father of a little girl and running a nightclub at the same time. "Day and Night...It's All About Her" (Thanks Dan!) Obviously, there are so many things that conflict with what I do but much to my surprise, there are a great deal of things that go hand-in-hand about it as well!
I want to write about the conflicts, the struggles, the lessons I've learned, the family that I have grown, the ugly side of my business, the beautiful way it unites people and how I got to the place in my life that allows me to step back, observe it all and influence lives. Last part sound silly? Wonder how I influence lives in the nightclub business? The short answer...I drive a business. It provides for everyone from the owners to the dishwashers. Everyone needs money to live, right? My #1 goal at Le Passage is to make something so great that it provides for all those that rely on me.
If my motivations are so righteous than why write about it? I want something that's mine, all mine! What better than my story? What better way to talk to my little girl who can't understand me now but one day will. People will always ask or question my motivation and I'm okay with that...As long as Hannah Marie never does.
Also, I've always know that there would be a day that I wrote. I've tried to journal before and it hasn't worked very well. I need an audience. The concept is the same because writing provides a type of therapy to the writer. It allows one to be alone with their thoughts, reflect on them and in essence develop themselves. I think it's crucial that I develop as a person and this is the first time in my life that I have decided to focus on that. Lol...at the end of the day, if I make myself better I can make the world better. If I make the world better, it's a better place for my little girl...and your little girl or boy...and their kids. I think I'm in this world to make it better and I will.
Not what you thought this blog would be about so far?? Lol...me either! I just started writing and that's what came out.
Something tells me that if you are looking to read something shallow, this may not be the blog for you. :) I'll let you know what's awesome at Le Passage, or who came in, or what event we have coming up etc. I'll also let you know HONESTLY if the celeb that came in is an ass, or if they were cool or if things don't go quite the way we anticipated. I'll be the real Joel David Barnes. ALWAYS.
If you see my tweets or facebook status updates, you know that I send a lot of messages about my little girl. Since the goal of this blog is to highlight both being a father to her and being the General Manager of Le Passage, I will make sure to include a story about Hannah each time I write. Here's the first one:
Whenever I'm with Hannah we try to get out of the house and go for walks around my neighborhood. Even when it was chilly we would bundle up and at least go to the store around the corner. There is an old Asian woman that walks around my neighborhood and I have seen her for years. She always walks with her head down towards the ground and walks so slowly. I've lived on the north side (Irving Park and Lakeshore) since I moved to Chicago 9 years ago. I've been in my current apartment for 6 years and I have seen her since then. Long story short, I've never seen this woman's eyes...until recently. I was on a walk with Hannah and we approached the woman coming toward us. Hannah like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day...she penetrates your soul with goodness and purity. Sure enough, this sad old woman walked slowly toward us and my little angel simply looks up at her and says "Hiiii". This woman didn't know what hit her! It was like a light switch flipped on. That woman smiled SO big and said "hi" back and giggled and stared at my little girl. She smiled so deeply that it had to go as far as her heart! Hannah was 18 months old...this woman, probably 70...Hannah knew 20 words in English and this woman may have know 5...but they communicated. I still smile about that story...
That's what I got for my first blog...hope you like it and will read again. I want this to be a vehicle that I use to grow my knowledge, grow my business and grow my wisdom. PLEASE feel free to comment! I will read them!
Joel David Barnes
Daddy to Hannah Marie Barnes
General Manager to Le Passage
I want to write about the conflicts, the struggles, the lessons I've learned, the family that I have grown, the ugly side of my business, the beautiful way it unites people and how I got to the place in my life that allows me to step back, observe it all and influence lives. Last part sound silly? Wonder how I influence lives in the nightclub business? The short answer...I drive a business. It provides for everyone from the owners to the dishwashers. Everyone needs money to live, right? My #1 goal at Le Passage is to make something so great that it provides for all those that rely on me.
If my motivations are so righteous than why write about it? I want something that's mine, all mine! What better than my story? What better way to talk to my little girl who can't understand me now but one day will. People will always ask or question my motivation and I'm okay with that...As long as Hannah Marie never does.
Also, I've always know that there would be a day that I wrote. I've tried to journal before and it hasn't worked very well. I need an audience. The concept is the same because writing provides a type of therapy to the writer. It allows one to be alone with their thoughts, reflect on them and in essence develop themselves. I think it's crucial that I develop as a person and this is the first time in my life that I have decided to focus on that. Lol...at the end of the day, if I make myself better I can make the world better. If I make the world better, it's a better place for my little girl...and your little girl or boy...and their kids. I think I'm in this world to make it better and I will.
Not what you thought this blog would be about so far?? Lol...me either! I just started writing and that's what came out.
Something tells me that if you are looking to read something shallow, this may not be the blog for you. :) I'll let you know what's awesome at Le Passage, or who came in, or what event we have coming up etc. I'll also let you know HONESTLY if the celeb that came in is an ass, or if they were cool or if things don't go quite the way we anticipated. I'll be the real Joel David Barnes. ALWAYS.
If you see my tweets or facebook status updates, you know that I send a lot of messages about my little girl. Since the goal of this blog is to highlight both being a father to her and being the General Manager of Le Passage, I will make sure to include a story about Hannah each time I write. Here's the first one:
Whenever I'm with Hannah we try to get out of the house and go for walks around my neighborhood. Even when it was chilly we would bundle up and at least go to the store around the corner. There is an old Asian woman that walks around my neighborhood and I have seen her for years. She always walks with her head down towards the ground and walks so slowly. I've lived on the north side (Irving Park and Lakeshore) since I moved to Chicago 9 years ago. I've been in my current apartment for 6 years and I have seen her since then. Long story short, I've never seen this woman's eyes...until recently. I was on a walk with Hannah and we approached the woman coming toward us. Hannah like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day...she penetrates your soul with goodness and purity. Sure enough, this sad old woman walked slowly toward us and my little angel simply looks up at her and says "Hiiii". This woman didn't know what hit her! It was like a light switch flipped on. That woman smiled SO big and said "hi" back and giggled and stared at my little girl. She smiled so deeply that it had to go as far as her heart! Hannah was 18 months old...this woman, probably 70...Hannah knew 20 words in English and this woman may have know 5...but they communicated. I still smile about that story...
That's what I got for my first blog...hope you like it and will read again. I want this to be a vehicle that I use to grow my knowledge, grow my business and grow my wisdom. PLEASE feel free to comment! I will read them!
Joel David Barnes
Daddy to Hannah Marie Barnes
General Manager to Le Passage
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