I'm writing this blog tonight to share with the world what I have learned today. Well, maybe not "learned" but reminded of...
I had a day today that at one point I described to my friend James as "having my faith in Man-kind rattled." Just that statement alone makes all the details meaningless and irrelevant to say the least Through all of the cluttered details and pursuant emotions I was left with a bit of a hole to fill in my own confidence in man.
Because I have and will continue to have such a high standard for the people that I work with, it tends to set me up to be disappointed at times...very much like a father in a family feels. Today, I felt disappointment...because I have put my team on a pedestle even though I know that they are human beings that make mistakes.
I reached out on Twitter and said that I "need help restoring my faith in Man-kind" because I thought that's what I actually needed. I recieved message after message from people who I know and barely know and they were all amazing. (Thank you ALL for them) I was beginning to feel better...people are people, right? They make mistakes, right? That doesn't mean that they are bad people, right?
The last message I got tonight was from my Mother. I have no idea why she was even up at 1am Orlando time but she was supposed to be...clearly. She reminded me of a bible verse that says - "Put your trust in NO man, trust ONLY in God." Little did she know that it was the 3rd time that I have heard those exact words in 2 weeks. For whatever reason, they weren't "perfectly relevant" when I heard them the 1st and 2nd times. My girlfriends sister Dasha sent us an e-mail before we went out of town last week and the entire power-point slide revolved around that exact message. Earlier TODAY, while talking to one of my best-friends, he reminded me of the SAME message.
I'm not a guy that wants to convince you of anything...I want to present you with a few facts though. (per Dasha's e-mail to us)
The shortest chapter in the bible is: Psalm 117
The longest chapter in the bible is: Psalm 119
The chapter that is in the CENTER of the bible is: Psalm 118 (there are 594 chapters BEFORE Psalm 118 and 594 chapters AFTER Psalm 118.)
The center VERSE in the bible is Psalm 118:8 - Which reads "It is better to trust in the LORD Than to put confidence in man."
HEAVY, right?!?!?! I'm just sayin...THAT is WILD!! There is no more perfect message for me today.
Men and women will let us down...it's what we're supposed to do! We're humans! We make mistakes! I can rest now...knowing where my own personal focus should remain.
Now...people that work for me........need to know that I know that they will make mistakes...they had just better make sure the big ones don't happen on my clock. ;)
I'll probably read 'em a bible verse about forgiveness as I ask them to pack their things and go. ;)
I will continue to pursue righteousness in this world because my little girl needs that of me...she's gonna be let down by a lot of men. (after I break their arms) She's going to need to have all of the tools that are neccessary to make sense of this crazy world.
(I was mostly kidding about the broken arms thing...haha) ;)
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Over-Communicate
I'm actually up right now because I'm taking my own advise (rare) and blogging because I don't, my mind will turn off until I do. I told a friend of mine, Shawn, that if he felt like blogging, even though it was 4 am, that he should do so...Well, it's 5:30am...and it's time to write.
Since I was young, I talked a lot. I STILL talk a lot! Social networking has been right up my alley because I feel like it is perfect for me! I get to talk a lot...and write a lot...and express a lot...and that makes me feel good. I don't even know who is listening 99 times out of 100. Sometimes, I gotta pull teeth to see what someone thought about what I wrote or something I said. I'm not looking for endorsement or a pat on the back but it's just nice to know that people read it. Twitter has been amazing for me because of how many conversations it induces...sometimes MONTHS after a tweet! I literally saw a guest of mine that I hadn't seen in months and as I was walking him in, he was talking about my tweets about Hannah! He said the most amazing things and I had NO way of even seeing it coming or knowing that he was paying attention!
I've been in a constant struggle between over-communication and under-communication for all my life but I'm writing this blog to say that I fully endorse OVER COMMUNICATION 100% and recommend it for all human beings. We have enough baggage and enough things weighing us down, isn't it nice to get things off of your chest? Isn't it nicer to TRULY heal after being wounded than it is to conceal a wound and let it fester to the point where is DEMANDS your attention? It's painful to clean a cut...but it's the only way to allow the body to properly repair itself. (So many lessons are right in front of our face.)
Some of the arguments against my sentiments have come from people that have criticized me for talking to ANYONE about ANYTHING. I remember a friend in Florida telling me that I was so weird for having a conversation with a complete stranger for hours. Well, I am weird...and that stranger ended up having a lot of insight for my weird ass. I guess the way I see it is that you never really know who has that missing piece for you. You never know who around you is there for a bigger reason than to just "be around".
I will admit that I have used a "better" filter for who I open up to and share some things because as time has gone on, I've been burned...and people I trusted with my words used them to hurt me or mis-handled my trust. Who knows...maybe something I blog about will one day come back to haunt me later in life...who cares. I would rather over-communicate.
Another argument that I hear is that "I don't want to bother anyone with my problems". My answer to that is simply, "you don't think it bothers people when you bury your issue until it explodes all of the place and leaves numerous casualties in it's wake? You don't think that making yourself one of those casualties will affect SOMEONE?"
I don't even think that over-communication is just talking about things that bother you either...that's just a little piece of it. It's sad that people don't even compliment each other because of the anticipation of what that person may have gotten from it. It's a compliment...that should be positive! I have said Hello to people on the street with no response so many times that it's really very sad. I didn't think it was over-communication but I guess somewhere it became that...I won't stop saying Hello...matter of fact, I'm going to get better about it because I think that I have become a little jaded and slacked off a bit. Even if they don't respond, they'll hear me. Maybe if they hear me, they'll say hello next time to someone else.
I'm going to keep over communicating because who knows when I have something that some one's supposed to hear and vice versa. The next blog...LISTENING...that's even harder!! :)
Since I was young, I talked a lot. I STILL talk a lot! Social networking has been right up my alley because I feel like it is perfect for me! I get to talk a lot...and write a lot...and express a lot...and that makes me feel good. I don't even know who is listening 99 times out of 100. Sometimes, I gotta pull teeth to see what someone thought about what I wrote or something I said. I'm not looking for endorsement or a pat on the back but it's just nice to know that people read it. Twitter has been amazing for me because of how many conversations it induces...sometimes MONTHS after a tweet! I literally saw a guest of mine that I hadn't seen in months and as I was walking him in, he was talking about my tweets about Hannah! He said the most amazing things and I had NO way of even seeing it coming or knowing that he was paying attention!
I've been in a constant struggle between over-communication and under-communication for all my life but I'm writing this blog to say that I fully endorse OVER COMMUNICATION 100% and recommend it for all human beings. We have enough baggage and enough things weighing us down, isn't it nice to get things off of your chest? Isn't it nicer to TRULY heal after being wounded than it is to conceal a wound and let it fester to the point where is DEMANDS your attention? It's painful to clean a cut...but it's the only way to allow the body to properly repair itself. (So many lessons are right in front of our face.)
Some of the arguments against my sentiments have come from people that have criticized me for talking to ANYONE about ANYTHING. I remember a friend in Florida telling me that I was so weird for having a conversation with a complete stranger for hours. Well, I am weird...and that stranger ended up having a lot of insight for my weird ass. I guess the way I see it is that you never really know who has that missing piece for you. You never know who around you is there for a bigger reason than to just "be around".
I will admit that I have used a "better" filter for who I open up to and share some things because as time has gone on, I've been burned...and people I trusted with my words used them to hurt me or mis-handled my trust. Who knows...maybe something I blog about will one day come back to haunt me later in life...who cares. I would rather over-communicate.
Another argument that I hear is that "I don't want to bother anyone with my problems". My answer to that is simply, "you don't think it bothers people when you bury your issue until it explodes all of the place and leaves numerous casualties in it's wake? You don't think that making yourself one of those casualties will affect SOMEONE?"
I don't even think that over-communication is just talking about things that bother you either...that's just a little piece of it. It's sad that people don't even compliment each other because of the anticipation of what that person may have gotten from it. It's a compliment...that should be positive! I have said Hello to people on the street with no response so many times that it's really very sad. I didn't think it was over-communication but I guess somewhere it became that...I won't stop saying Hello...matter of fact, I'm going to get better about it because I think that I have become a little jaded and slacked off a bit. Even if they don't respond, they'll hear me. Maybe if they hear me, they'll say hello next time to someone else.
I'm going to keep over communicating because who knows when I have something that some one's supposed to hear and vice versa. The next blog...LISTENING...that's even harder!! :)
Monday, January 4, 2010
Why I Tweet by @JoelDavidBarnes
3 am and it's time to write.
Why do I tweet? That is a very easy question for me to answer because I exist in my own head but I want to answer that for the world. I know where and why most things that bounce around in my head come from and why they come out. I try to anticipate reading my tweets. I have rules that I follow strictly. I try to make sure that my voice doesn't get distorted or jumbled in the letters and words that appear on the computer or on someones phone. I am very careful with what I say and how...I think and rethink a tweet over and over again sometimes and imagine as many different types of people that could read that message and how they could interpret it. I think through the conversations that the tweet could create amongst friends, lovers, co-workers, family, etc. I think about individual people sometimes when I tweet. I think about the fact that my tweet maybe read 10 years from now or even longer. I don't think or write to be "politically correct" so to speak but it generally ends up being pretty close because my values align with similar morals. I think about whether my mother, daughter, family, girlfriend and friends would be proud of me for that particular message or thought. I think about making people laugh. I think about making them think. I think about the ONE person that was supposed to read that Tweet and did...and it was right on time.
But WHY??? Why the heck do I Tweet you say? Why is there an update to my Facebook page SO MANY times a day (aside from the fact that it it's linked from my Twitter account)? How the heck do I constantly think about doing it?
I LOVE people.
In a nutshell, that's it! I love reaching out to people. I love talking to people. I love sharing pieces of myself with people. You never know who's listening. You never know who thinks or has thought about that exact same thought. When you strike that nerve in a person, you have made a connection. I love that connection. I love that I'm able to connect with so many people and so many people are able to connect with so many other people.
People have questioned me as to why I tweet so much and how I am so random. I am sure that people talk about what I do behind my back or think that I'm TOO random or annoying. That's totally cool with me. I have never asked to be understood or heard by everyone. I learned at a very young age that I will not be able to connect with everyone no matter how much I would like to. Instead, I would rather connect with people who want to connect back.
I Tweet because I'm the GM of a nightclub
TRUST me...I know that sometimes I spit off 10 tweets an hour because I'm trying to promote my business or an event or generate buzz around Le Passage. Sorry if you follow me and that's annoys you but it's my job. It's not my job to Tweet about Le Passage necessarily but I have taken the ownership upon myself to make sure that the staff and owners that I represent are able to count on me to make them money. I am responsible for families, friends, my little girl and myself. Twitter is a tool that I can use to take care of my work family as well as my own family. I can give real-time updates on what's going on in an EXTREMELY competitive and fickle business.
I Tweet to make people laugh
It's always been one of my favorite things to do to make someone laugh. I think it actually makes me feel better than the person laughing! I love laughter because it's happiness incarnated. It's happiness manifested and real. It's my firm belief that if more people laughed in the world more often, the world would actually be a better place.
I Tweet to share Hannah with the world
More often than not, people who follow me comment on how cute my daughter Hannah is or something that she did or said was great. Aside from being a proud papa, this is very special to me because of what radiates out of people when they talk to me about this. It's the same amazingly good energy that I initially saw in Hannah. It's pure and it's good. It's astounding to me because it's CLEARLY the same exact energy. A perfect example is a Tweet I sent a month or so ago about when Hannah bumped her head on the couch arm. She whined a bit, turned around and looked at the couch angrily. She proceeded to slap the arm of the couch and say "BAD...don't hurt my Hannah Bear!" I died laughing and I even had tears in my eyes as I sent the tweet out. So many people have come up to me and mentioned that story. It's so awesome to see the same energy come out of them that I had initially felt. As selfish as I want to be with Hannah, I feel like she's too good to horde all to myself. The things I feel for her, the smile that she gives me, the way she runs to me when I pick her up, the way she grabs my face and goes, "Daddy, I love you SOOO much", the way she hugs my big neck with her little arms...all of it I wish for everyone in the world. It's too amazing to keep all for me...
The rules that I follow when I tweet are simple.
- #1 RULE - Stay POSITIVE!
- DON'T CURSE - You never know who's reading your Tweet and I feel like profanity weakens your positive voice.
- STAY RANDOM - I never want people to see my name in a Twitter timeline and think that they know what I am going to say. I don't want to ever be predictable because life IS NOT predictable. I was talking to my friend the other day about my "Twitter voice" and the totally random way that I Tweet. I told him that I AM everything that I tweet about in that random Hodge-podge of an order and that's what I'll stay true to. I'll wake up, greet the world, go to meeting at work, think about a funny thing that Hannah did, give a shout out to my Mommy, ask a random question, promote an event, ReTweet something funny that someone else said, send out a picture of Hannah, say hi to a friend and promote something else.......all in a half hour. Remember, I WANT to connect with people because I LOVE people. I think that I'm on this earth in order to do that. Why? I'll save that for another blog...
Why do I tweet? That is a very easy question for me to answer because I exist in my own head but I want to answer that for the world. I know where and why most things that bounce around in my head come from and why they come out. I try to anticipate reading my tweets. I have rules that I follow strictly. I try to make sure that my voice doesn't get distorted or jumbled in the letters and words that appear on the computer or on someones phone. I am very careful with what I say and how...I think and rethink a tweet over and over again sometimes and imagine as many different types of people that could read that message and how they could interpret it. I think through the conversations that the tweet could create amongst friends, lovers, co-workers, family, etc. I think about individual people sometimes when I tweet. I think about the fact that my tweet maybe read 10 years from now or even longer. I don't think or write to be "politically correct" so to speak but it generally ends up being pretty close because my values align with similar morals. I think about whether my mother, daughter, family, girlfriend and friends would be proud of me for that particular message or thought. I think about making people laugh. I think about making them think. I think about the ONE person that was supposed to read that Tweet and did...and it was right on time.
But WHY??? Why the heck do I Tweet you say? Why is there an update to my Facebook page SO MANY times a day (aside from the fact that it it's linked from my Twitter account)? How the heck do I constantly think about doing it?
I LOVE people.
In a nutshell, that's it! I love reaching out to people. I love talking to people. I love sharing pieces of myself with people. You never know who's listening. You never know who thinks or has thought about that exact same thought. When you strike that nerve in a person, you have made a connection. I love that connection. I love that I'm able to connect with so many people and so many people are able to connect with so many other people.
People have questioned me as to why I tweet so much and how I am so random. I am sure that people talk about what I do behind my back or think that I'm TOO random or annoying. That's totally cool with me. I have never asked to be understood or heard by everyone. I learned at a very young age that I will not be able to connect with everyone no matter how much I would like to. Instead, I would rather connect with people who want to connect back.
I Tweet because I'm the GM of a nightclub
TRUST me...I know that sometimes I spit off 10 tweets an hour because I'm trying to promote my business or an event or generate buzz around Le Passage. Sorry if you follow me and that's annoys you but it's my job. It's not my job to Tweet about Le Passage necessarily but I have taken the ownership upon myself to make sure that the staff and owners that I represent are able to count on me to make them money. I am responsible for families, friends, my little girl and myself. Twitter is a tool that I can use to take care of my work family as well as my own family. I can give real-time updates on what's going on in an EXTREMELY competitive and fickle business.
I Tweet to make people laugh
It's always been one of my favorite things to do to make someone laugh. I think it actually makes me feel better than the person laughing! I love laughter because it's happiness incarnated. It's happiness manifested and real. It's my firm belief that if more people laughed in the world more often, the world would actually be a better place.
I Tweet to motivate thought
I don't need to force my own beliefs on someone but I need to force thought. Personally, I believe that it's God who blesses me daily and protects my loved ones and provides for me. Ultimately I pray that everyone in the world could know the peace that I know because of my faith but I also recognize that force feeding often leads to regurgitation. I'd rather digestion. I know that I am supposed to invoke thought...the answer is out there but it can't be found without first getting turned on to it's existence.
I Tweet to share Hannah with the world
More often than not, people who follow me comment on how cute my daughter Hannah is or something that she did or said was great. Aside from being a proud papa, this is very special to me because of what radiates out of people when they talk to me about this. It's the same amazingly good energy that I initially saw in Hannah. It's pure and it's good. It's astounding to me because it's CLEARLY the same exact energy. A perfect example is a Tweet I sent a month or so ago about when Hannah bumped her head on the couch arm. She whined a bit, turned around and looked at the couch angrily. She proceeded to slap the arm of the couch and say "BAD...don't hurt my Hannah Bear!" I died laughing and I even had tears in my eyes as I sent the tweet out. So many people have come up to me and mentioned that story. It's so awesome to see the same energy come out of them that I had initially felt. As selfish as I want to be with Hannah, I feel like she's too good to horde all to myself. The things I feel for her, the smile that she gives me, the way she runs to me when I pick her up, the way she grabs my face and goes, "Daddy, I love you SOOO much", the way she hugs my big neck with her little arms...all of it I wish for everyone in the world. It's too amazing to keep all for me...
The rules that I follow when I tweet are simple.
- #1 RULE - Stay POSITIVE!
- DON'T CURSE - You never know who's reading your Tweet and I feel like profanity weakens your positive voice.
- STAY RANDOM - I never want people to see my name in a Twitter timeline and think that they know what I am going to say. I don't want to ever be predictable because life IS NOT predictable. I was talking to my friend the other day about my "Twitter voice" and the totally random way that I Tweet. I told him that I AM everything that I tweet about in that random Hodge-podge of an order and that's what I'll stay true to. I'll wake up, greet the world, go to meeting at work, think about a funny thing that Hannah did, give a shout out to my Mommy, ask a random question, promote an event, ReTweet something funny that someone else said, send out a picture of Hannah, say hi to a friend and promote something else.......all in a half hour. Remember, I WANT to connect with people because I LOVE people. I think that I'm on this earth in order to do that. Why? I'll save that for another blog...
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Sometimes, ya gotta step in dog poop
I just stepped in dog poop. I was annoyed for sure. I mean, who likes to step in dog poop. I was a fresh one too...haha. I thought it was a leaf on the ground. I knew that it was dark and I probably shouldn't have stepped on a foreign object but I gambled...and came up shitty.
Before I could even get my shoe off to walk upstairs barefoot before I cleaned it, I already knew that I was going to write.
Sometimes ya gotta step in dog poop. It's TRUE! Even though we are ever developing and learning we are bound to make mistakes. We're even bound to know that we are making the mistake. How many times have you known good and well that your decision wasn't the right one? Think about it...are you setting yourself up to step in dog poop? Than how can you be so mad about the fact that you stepped in it?
I'm going to do a better job of avoid dog poop...both actually and metaphorically. That's MY decision.
Before I could even get my shoe off to walk upstairs barefoot before I cleaned it, I already knew that I was going to write.
Sometimes ya gotta step in dog poop. It's TRUE! Even though we are ever developing and learning we are bound to make mistakes. We're even bound to know that we are making the mistake. How many times have you known good and well that your decision wasn't the right one? Think about it...are you setting yourself up to step in dog poop? Than how can you be so mad about the fact that you stepped in it?
I'm going to do a better job of avoid dog poop...both actually and metaphorically. That's MY decision.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
To: the person that needs this
WOW! It’s been a LOOONG time since I Blogged.
I woke up this morning with my mind racing a million miles a minute and I was never able to get back to resting…to tell you the truth, I never really fell asleep. My mind wouldn’t let me. It’s like I had too many things to think about and think through to be able to sleep.
I think the main point of me beginning this blog is because I feel like I have a responsibility to people that maybe I haven’t been fully embracing lately and I want to work on that. Not that I’m something “special” to man-kind or anything like that at all…there are just times when I’m supposed to write. There are times that really good ideas and motivations get lost in the spaghetti bowl of thoughts, ideas and emotions that exist in my mind. For a long time I thought that if I shared these facets of myself, that I would be “showing my cards” so to speak. I was scared for a long time in my life that if I let people know the full range of powerful emotions that I felt, that they may in-turn use them against me. If you know what my kryptonite is…why wouldn’t you use it if you were a “bad-guy” to my “superman”. I’m far from being an actual super-hero but I aspire to be one someday! My goal has always been to be a “Renaissance Man”, maybe that’s what they’ll write on my tombstone.
Like a lot of what I write, I wasn’t sure what I was even supposed to be writing about…I just knew that I had to. If I’m getting to the point where too many thoughts are building up in my head, then clearly it’s time for a release.
I don’t have ANY clue who reads these things but I think today, I am supposed to write to someone in particular out there. Someone that feels lost and over-whelmed. With the intention of relating to you, I’ll tell you a quick story about myself.
If I had a nickel for how many times in my life that I have been lost and/or over-whelmed, I’d quit my job and buy Florida, Illinois and probably California! Still to this day I feel over-whelmed…still to this day I find myself looking around and trying to figure out where the heck I am! Matter of fact, I think it’s the only reason that I know ANYTHING on the subject.
So many times I look and reflect on the amount of time that I have sacrificed spending with Hannah versus doing the very difficult and time consuming job that I do. I can’t tell you how many times a week that tears well-up in my eyes because I miss her so much. I can’t tell you how many times a day I think about that little girl. I can’t tell you how many times I miss her each minute. I can’t tell you the feeling that floods my body when I know that I’m going to see her soon. I can’t tell you that it’s OKAY that I only get that feeling a couple times a week. It’s over-whelming. It causes me to doubt myself ALL of the time. If I let it, it could control me…cause me to lose focus…
I think my point is this. Being over-whelmed, lost, confused, sad, distraught, angry, stranded are all NORMAL human emotions…how we deal with them can make us super-human. Channeling the negative energy that is associated with all of these emotions and using that energy for your own good is one of the hardest tasks, but IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE! Realizing that may be the first step necessary to getting out of that ‘not so good’ place you may find yourself in. My Mom always tells me that “God doesn’t put ANYTHING on you that you can’t handle.” For a long time, I had that saying on my front door so that right before I left the house I would read it…everyday for YEARS. Taking the leap of faith to believe that fundamental truth makes ALL of the difference! I promise!
I’ve been in very dark places…sometimes I feel like it’s a constant battle to keep from going back to those places. It’s my opinion, though, that it’s very easy to take your hands off of the steering wheel of your life. It’s easy to give up. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself.
I am in a constant battle to stay focused and be the best man, father, son and soul mate that I can be. I’d rather take the hard road there…I think it means that I’m doing the right thing!
I woke up this morning with my mind racing a million miles a minute and I was never able to get back to resting…to tell you the truth, I never really fell asleep. My mind wouldn’t let me. It’s like I had too many things to think about and think through to be able to sleep.
I think the main point of me beginning this blog is because I feel like I have a responsibility to people that maybe I haven’t been fully embracing lately and I want to work on that. Not that I’m something “special” to man-kind or anything like that at all…there are just times when I’m supposed to write. There are times that really good ideas and motivations get lost in the spaghetti bowl of thoughts, ideas and emotions that exist in my mind. For a long time I thought that if I shared these facets of myself, that I would be “showing my cards” so to speak. I was scared for a long time in my life that if I let people know the full range of powerful emotions that I felt, that they may in-turn use them against me. If you know what my kryptonite is…why wouldn’t you use it if you were a “bad-guy” to my “superman”. I’m far from being an actual super-hero but I aspire to be one someday! My goal has always been to be a “Renaissance Man”, maybe that’s what they’ll write on my tombstone.
Like a lot of what I write, I wasn’t sure what I was even supposed to be writing about…I just knew that I had to. If I’m getting to the point where too many thoughts are building up in my head, then clearly it’s time for a release.
I don’t have ANY clue who reads these things but I think today, I am supposed to write to someone in particular out there. Someone that feels lost and over-whelmed. With the intention of relating to you, I’ll tell you a quick story about myself.
If I had a nickel for how many times in my life that I have been lost and/or over-whelmed, I’d quit my job and buy Florida, Illinois and probably California! Still to this day I feel over-whelmed…still to this day I find myself looking around and trying to figure out where the heck I am! Matter of fact, I think it’s the only reason that I know ANYTHING on the subject.
So many times I look and reflect on the amount of time that I have sacrificed spending with Hannah versus doing the very difficult and time consuming job that I do. I can’t tell you how many times a week that tears well-up in my eyes because I miss her so much. I can’t tell you how many times a day I think about that little girl. I can’t tell you how many times I miss her each minute. I can’t tell you the feeling that floods my body when I know that I’m going to see her soon. I can’t tell you that it’s OKAY that I only get that feeling a couple times a week. It’s over-whelming. It causes me to doubt myself ALL of the time. If I let it, it could control me…cause me to lose focus…
I think my point is this. Being over-whelmed, lost, confused, sad, distraught, angry, stranded are all NORMAL human emotions…how we deal with them can make us super-human. Channeling the negative energy that is associated with all of these emotions and using that energy for your own good is one of the hardest tasks, but IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE! Realizing that may be the first step necessary to getting out of that ‘not so good’ place you may find yourself in. My Mom always tells me that “God doesn’t put ANYTHING on you that you can’t handle.” For a long time, I had that saying on my front door so that right before I left the house I would read it…everyday for YEARS. Taking the leap of faith to believe that fundamental truth makes ALL of the difference! I promise!
I’ve been in very dark places…sometimes I feel like it’s a constant battle to keep from going back to those places. It’s my opinion, though, that it’s very easy to take your hands off of the steering wheel of your life. It’s easy to give up. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself.
I am in a constant battle to stay focused and be the best man, father, son and soul mate that I can be. I’d rather take the hard road there…I think it means that I’m doing the right thing!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Think fast!!
So many crazy things happen to me in my life and this was one of them. I'm SO happy that the events of the story are over so that I can finally laugh about them and more importantly, share them with you!
I guess the story starts last week when I found out that the baby sitter for Hannah on Tuesday nights (Cecily) wasn't going to be able to watch Hannah this Tuesday. Wouldn't be the biggest deal in the world and of course I want to have her anyway, but, Tuesday is a grooling day for me with meetings, paperwork, planning for the weekend at Le Passage etc. My record for most meetings in a day is 12. I had a meeting every hour or half-hour spread out over 15 hours...and I forgot to "schedule" myself a lunch AND dinner.Anyway, this Tuesday was no different than average and I finished my last meeting at 10:30pm. Hannah stayed over at her Daycare for a few hours tonight while I finished work. Hannah's Daycare sitter is Selene Garcia...she's AMAZING!! I feel so blessed to have her watch my little girl! I'm not going to go off on a tangent about her...I'll save it for another Blog!I get to Selenes right at 11pm, go in to get H and she wakes up...I like to think that it's because she heard Selene say that "Daddy is here to pick you up", but who knows. ;) either way, she blinks hard, rubs those big brown puppy dog eyes and whisper "Hi Daddy". I make her give me a few kisses on the way to my stupid truck (foreshadowing) and we head off to daddy's house.One thing none of you have EVER thought about that don't live in a big city is parking. The others that know a big city probably haven't ever thought about getting home at 11:30pm with a half sleep-induced infant and having to get them up 3 flights of stairs and put them down with out them waking up. Trust me...street parking isn't very friendly in my neighborhood!We get home. Hannah's half asleep. I park very close to my apartment and put my flashers on. The game plan was to get sleepy head up stairs, let her pass back out, move the car right around the block to a lot and get up with Hannah at 6:45/7am to move my truck. One thing you will all eventually realize...your plans don't mean squat when dealing with a 2 year old! Lol!!! I'm SO serious!As soon as we get into the house, she wants to watch Elmo...then brush her teeth, then drink milk, then play the tambarine, the read a book, then jump on the futon, then cuddle, then have a tickle fight, then turn on the light, then cry when you won't let her stand on the end table....TIME ELAPSE........1am.......MY FLASHERS ARE STILL ONNNNNNN!!!!!!!!I grab her and run back downstairs. I remember thinking how I've judged people for having their kids out so late but I will never do that again...maybe they were having a night very similar to the one I was experiencing...and was FAR from done experiencing...Sure enough, DEAD! I could tell from the sidewalk in from of my place. The flashers just didn't have the gusto that they normally did. Battery drained! I opened the door, put Hannah in her seat and tried to start the truck...to not avail.Pausing the story right now, I'd like to describe a feeling that I've only had a few times as a parent and it SUCKS! It's the feeling of being stranded WITH a child! Imagine feeling stranded by yourself and multiply that by ONE MILLION! We know that alone we can "get around", "figure it out", "make it happen", but when you have you kid there...you have to do it all while making sure that the life you protect and love so much is safe and sound.I stand there for a second thinking. I know that the building across the street has a battery charger on a dolly that they may let me wheel halfway down the block to my car...but it's too big to carry Hannah and maneuver the charger. I start to run through my list of people in Chicago that have vehicles...but that list is small and almost invisible when adding the factor that it's 1:15am now. Hmmmmm...what do I do. Hannah's getting impatient...she actually asks me to go home and go "night night". LOL! Of course she does!!Just then, a man walks out of the coffee shop across the street, looks over and asses my problem. Mind you, the coffee shop closed 3 hours ago at 10pm but I got lucky because tonight was one of their "after hours" gatherings and it was over RIGHT on time! The man, Steve, offered to give me a jump because funny enough, his car was parked directly in front of the shop. The fact that he was in the right place at the right time, had a car, had jumper cables AND offered to jump me should have been enough for me...but then I listened to his advice on where to place the cables...and it blew all of the fuses in my truck except for my head lights...and my brake lights. I didn't notice it right away because when I figured out that the cables were placed wrong, my truck started almost as soon as I got them in the right spot. What really sucked was that I had opened the driver side window because while I had the hood up I needed to still talk to Hannah. She was saying "it broken Daddy?" And "Daddy fix it". Now, I had a truck that started but that I can't park on the street because I can't close my window, no lights except for head lights, a little girl that's getting impatient because she wants milk and my milk went bad 2 days ago. Another moment of planning..."convenient store 2 blocks from here", "a private garage that I can beg to park in...I have a little girl with me...PLEASE GOD let them let me park".I pull around the corner to get milk and realize that I can't turn off the car because it's too soon, but I also can't close my window...damnit!!! I backed up to park directly in front of the fire hydrant in front of the store...at this point, I'd risk the ticket to avoid getting my truck stolen. Damnit again!! Someone just took the spot...hey wait...that's Hannah's Mommy....did I step into the twilight zone??? She works at Carmines on Rush street and we're 3.5 miles north of there and she lives 6 miles north of where we are now!! Apparently Melissa (Hannah's mommy) and Cecily, (who normally has Hannah on Tuesday) and were going to meet in the neighborhood for a "Mommy's night out drink" and that's why she was in the hood. What are the odds??Short story long...Hannah's Mommy watched her while I got milk, she followed me around the corner to make sure my fuse stricken vehicle didn't shut off, I plead with the garage attendant and paid him to take me in. Little did I know, he's in the same fraternity as me...he's a FATHER! He knows how crazy parking and having children can be! He also said that "there's NO WAY I could make up a story like that".Oh, by the way...it's 3:30am........Hannah's still up.
As soon as I finished writing this blog entry, Hannah finished playing with her sticker book. She came over, stuck her thumb in her mouth and climbed into my lap...within 7 minutes of rocking her, she passed out...I would do the whole adventure again for that to be the way it ended...
I guess the story starts last week when I found out that the baby sitter for Hannah on Tuesday nights (Cecily) wasn't going to be able to watch Hannah this Tuesday. Wouldn't be the biggest deal in the world and of course I want to have her anyway, but, Tuesday is a grooling day for me with meetings, paperwork, planning for the weekend at Le Passage etc. My record for most meetings in a day is 12. I had a meeting every hour or half-hour spread out over 15 hours...and I forgot to "schedule" myself a lunch AND dinner.Anyway, this Tuesday was no different than average and I finished my last meeting at 10:30pm. Hannah stayed over at her Daycare for a few hours tonight while I finished work. Hannah's Daycare sitter is Selene Garcia...she's AMAZING!! I feel so blessed to have her watch my little girl! I'm not going to go off on a tangent about her...I'll save it for another Blog!I get to Selenes right at 11pm, go in to get H and she wakes up...I like to think that it's because she heard Selene say that "Daddy is here to pick you up", but who knows. ;) either way, she blinks hard, rubs those big brown puppy dog eyes and whisper "Hi Daddy". I make her give me a few kisses on the way to my stupid truck (foreshadowing) and we head off to daddy's house.One thing none of you have EVER thought about that don't live in a big city is parking. The others that know a big city probably haven't ever thought about getting home at 11:30pm with a half sleep-induced infant and having to get them up 3 flights of stairs and put them down with out them waking up. Trust me...street parking isn't very friendly in my neighborhood!We get home. Hannah's half asleep. I park very close to my apartment and put my flashers on. The game plan was to get sleepy head up stairs, let her pass back out, move the car right around the block to a lot and get up with Hannah at 6:45/7am to move my truck. One thing you will all eventually realize...your plans don't mean squat when dealing with a 2 year old! Lol!!! I'm SO serious!As soon as we get into the house, she wants to watch Elmo...then brush her teeth, then drink milk, then play the tambarine, the read a book, then jump on the futon, then cuddle, then have a tickle fight, then turn on the light, then cry when you won't let her stand on the end table....TIME ELAPSE........1am.......MY FLASHERS ARE STILL ONNNNNNN!!!!!!!!I grab her and run back downstairs. I remember thinking how I've judged people for having their kids out so late but I will never do that again...maybe they were having a night very similar to the one I was experiencing...and was FAR from done experiencing...Sure enough, DEAD! I could tell from the sidewalk in from of my place. The flashers just didn't have the gusto that they normally did. Battery drained! I opened the door, put Hannah in her seat and tried to start the truck...to not avail.Pausing the story right now, I'd like to describe a feeling that I've only had a few times as a parent and it SUCKS! It's the feeling of being stranded WITH a child! Imagine feeling stranded by yourself and multiply that by ONE MILLION! We know that alone we can "get around", "figure it out", "make it happen", but when you have you kid there...you have to do it all while making sure that the life you protect and love so much is safe and sound.I stand there for a second thinking. I know that the building across the street has a battery charger on a dolly that they may let me wheel halfway down the block to my car...but it's too big to carry Hannah and maneuver the charger. I start to run through my list of people in Chicago that have vehicles...but that list is small and almost invisible when adding the factor that it's 1:15am now. Hmmmmm...what do I do. Hannah's getting impatient...she actually asks me to go home and go "night night". LOL! Of course she does!!Just then, a man walks out of the coffee shop across the street, looks over and asses my problem. Mind you, the coffee shop closed 3 hours ago at 10pm but I got lucky because tonight was one of their "after hours" gatherings and it was over RIGHT on time! The man, Steve, offered to give me a jump because funny enough, his car was parked directly in front of the shop. The fact that he was in the right place at the right time, had a car, had jumper cables AND offered to jump me should have been enough for me...but then I listened to his advice on where to place the cables...and it blew all of the fuses in my truck except for my head lights...and my brake lights. I didn't notice it right away because when I figured out that the cables were placed wrong, my truck started almost as soon as I got them in the right spot. What really sucked was that I had opened the driver side window because while I had the hood up I needed to still talk to Hannah. She was saying "it broken Daddy?" And "Daddy fix it". Now, I had a truck that started but that I can't park on the street because I can't close my window, no lights except for head lights, a little girl that's getting impatient because she wants milk and my milk went bad 2 days ago. Another moment of planning..."convenient store 2 blocks from here", "a private garage that I can beg to park in...I have a little girl with me...PLEASE GOD let them let me park".I pull around the corner to get milk and realize that I can't turn off the car because it's too soon, but I also can't close my window...damnit!!! I backed up to park directly in front of the fire hydrant in front of the store...at this point, I'd risk the ticket to avoid getting my truck stolen. Damnit again!! Someone just took the spot...hey wait...that's Hannah's Mommy....did I step into the twilight zone??? She works at Carmines on Rush street and we're 3.5 miles north of there and she lives 6 miles north of where we are now!! Apparently Melissa (Hannah's mommy) and Cecily, (who normally has Hannah on Tuesday) and were going to meet in the neighborhood for a "Mommy's night out drink" and that's why she was in the hood. What are the odds??Short story long...Hannah's Mommy watched her while I got milk, she followed me around the corner to make sure my fuse stricken vehicle didn't shut off, I plead with the garage attendant and paid him to take me in. Little did I know, he's in the same fraternity as me...he's a FATHER! He knows how crazy parking and having children can be! He also said that "there's NO WAY I could make up a story like that".Oh, by the way...it's 3:30am........Hannah's still up.
As soon as I finished writing this blog entry, Hannah finished playing with her sticker book. She came over, stuck her thumb in her mouth and climbed into my lap...within 7 minutes of rocking her, she passed out...I would do the whole adventure again for that to be the way it ended...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Blog Post 6.24.09 The Importance of Rainy Days
How about THIS!! A barrage of BLOGS!
This blog is about:
The importance of rainy days!
Think about it...how do you even KNOW that a day is beautiful? How do you KNOW you are having a good day? How do you KNOW that someone is a good parent?
I'll tell you. You have seen and appreciated the reciprocal of each of them.
Even though you say that the cloudy, cold, gloomy and wet day "blows", you are recognizing it for what it is. When you drop your cell phone in the toilet and stub you toe and get a parking ticket all in the matter minutes, you may say that it sucks, but it's important that you do so. When you see that parent in a grocery store that let's their kid pull everything off of the shelf and throw it at YOU while in line behind them, you acknowledge their negligence...key!!
I have such an ODD point...and I love it!!
The point is that EVERYTHING that happens to you that sucks is equally as good as what happens to you that is awesome. I'll explain.
Q: How do you know that a day is beautiful?
A: because you know what a rainy day is.
Q: how do you know a good manager/co-worker?
A: because you've had a bad one
Q: how do you know a bad parent?
A: because you witnessed one...whether it was in a grocery store or in your own home.
Q: how do we as human being judge anything as good?
A: because we have seen things in our life that ARE NOT good, therefore we make conclusions based on what our reality has been.
Please don't let me confuse the purity of having a great parent (my mother is one) or seeing a well behaved child or having a great day! Those are all things that establish, reinforce and solidify what is good in the world. You must understand that I am an Uber-optimist!! I'm a little nutty with how positively I see things sometimes and I realize that some people think that I'm crazy for being so, but hear this nut case out!
We are HUMAN beings. That's inescapable! Have you ever had a great day BUT at the end of it get into a fight with your loved one? The next day, what do you remember? The fight. Have you ever gotten a car wash that was damn near perfect and then rolled down the windows before they were dry? What do you remember? The streaks. Have you ever had a series of positive events somehow get out weighed by a negative one?
I find such an amazing message in human beings' proclivity to focus and obsess on the negative!! I don't think it's any mistake that we do so either! I think it's something that should be harnessed!
That's right! Focus on it! Recognize it and breath it into you lungs! It's the only way to absolutely appreciate ALL of the good that happens to us.
Without rainy days, sunny ones would be "just another day". Think about it. Without failure, how is it possible to succeed?
A wise person once told me that "Wisdom is the application of knowledge learned". Notice that they didn't say that "wisdom is the application of positive knowledge learned" or that "wisdom is the application of knowledge learned that feels good". Basically, that means that EVERYTHING that happens to us should be used to make us stronger and better. Every joy, pain, sadness, love, tragedy, deception (and so on, and so on) happens to us in order to make us understand something else about life and ourselves.
I think it's important to feel things that are negative AS much as it's important to feel bliss! I don't think it's an an easy task to remain respective of the bad things that happen as it is to revel in the good, however, it's crucially important!
Maybe one day I'll share with you how it is my opinion that my father, who did so many things wrong, helps me daily be a great daddy to Hannah. The individual accounts are irrelevant when I look back on the overall fact that he made me a better person by showing me what NOT to do in life. Again, it was so important to recognize my mother for her righteousness and pure example of parenting to make me the man I am today. However, without recognition of the balance between good and evil, I'd be less of a man today.
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