Blog Post 6.24.09 The Importance of Rainy Days

How about THIS!! A barrage of BLOGS!

This blog is about:

The importance of rainy days!

Think about it...how do you even KNOW that a day is beautiful? How do you KNOW you are having a good day? How do you KNOW that someone is a good parent?

I'll tell you. You have seen and appreciated the reciprocal of each of them.

Even though you say that the cloudy, cold, gloomy and wet day "blows", you are recognizing it for what it is. When you drop your cell phone in the toilet and stub you toe and get a parking ticket all in the matter minutes, you may say that it sucks, but it's important that you do so. When you see that parent in a grocery store that let's their kid pull everything off of the shelf and throw it at YOU while in line behind them, you acknowledge their negligence...key!!

I have such an ODD point...and I love it!!

The point is that EVERYTHING that happens to you that sucks is equally as good as what happens to you that is awesome. I'll explain.

Q: How do you know that a day is beautiful?

A: because you know what a rainy day is.

Q: how do you know a good manager/co-worker?

A: because you've had a bad one

Q: how do you know a bad parent?

A: because you witnessed one...whether it was in a grocery store or in your own home.

Q: how do we as human being judge anything as good?

A: because we have seen things in our life that ARE NOT good, therefore we make conclusions based on what our reality has been.

Please don't let me confuse the purity of having a great parent (my mother is one) or seeing a well behaved child or having a great day! Those are all things that establish, reinforce and solidify what is good in the world. You must understand that I am an Uber-optimist!! I'm a little nutty with how positively I see things sometimes and I realize that some people think that I'm crazy for being so, but hear this nut case out!

We are HUMAN beings. That's inescapable! Have you ever had a great day BUT at the end of it get into a fight with your loved one? The next day, what do you remember? The fight. Have you ever gotten a car wash that was damn near perfect and then rolled down the windows before they were dry? What do you remember? The streaks. Have you ever had a series of positive events somehow get out weighed by a negative one?

I find such an amazing message in human beings' proclivity to focus and obsess on the negative!! I don't think it's any mistake that we do so either! I think it's something that should be harnessed!

That's right! Focus on it! Recognize it and breath it into you lungs! It's the only way to absolutely appreciate ALL of the good that happens to us.

Without rainy days, sunny ones would be "just another day". Think about it. Without failure, how is it possible to succeed?

A wise person once told me that "Wisdom is the application of knowledge learned". Notice that they didn't say that "wisdom is the application of positive knowledge learned" or that "wisdom is the application of knowledge learned that feels good". Basically, that means that EVERYTHING that happens to us should be used to make us stronger and better. Every joy, pain, sadness, love, tragedy, deception (and so on, and so on) happens to us in order to make us understand something else about life and ourselves.

I think it's important to feel things that are negative AS much as it's important to feel bliss! I don't think it's an an easy task to remain respective of the bad things that happen as it is to revel in the good, however, it's crucially important!

Maybe one day I'll share with you how it is my opinion that my father, who did so many things wrong, helps me daily be a great daddy to Hannah. The individual accounts are irrelevant when I look back on the overall fact that he made me a better person by showing me what NOT to do in life. Again, it was so important to recognize my mother for her righteousness and pure example of parenting to make me the man I am today. However, without recognition of the balance between good and evil, I'd be less of a man today.

Blog post 6.23.09

First of all, I'm sorry that this Blog took so long for me to write! It's been in my head for some time now and I'm glad to finally hit the release valve and let it flow to a printed version of my thoughts! It's been a very busy few weeks since my last entry!
June 11th was Hannah Marie's 2nd birthday and the 14th was her birthday party! My entire extended family came up from Florida to celebrate with us and it was amazing! Mommy, Aunt Donna, Jamia, Justice and Jon Jon, thank you so much for flying here and making Hannah's birthday such a special one!! The show still went on at the nightclub but it was SO nice to have my family in town that week.
Right after that, I had to play a little catch up on all of my work and then roll straight into the next weekend and then Father's Day! I never knew how blessed I would feel every father's day...it's so amazing to have the opportunity to be a daddy that I sometimes wonder why I'm the one being celebrated. I mean, she's MY blessing. Even more than that, it's my responsibility and ultimate dedication to be an influential part of her life...I couldn't help but feel that I wanted to make fathers out there realize what it is to carry the torch of life. It's not a light load. It's nothing to take for granted.
We owe our children so much because it is US that they rely on...US they learn from...and US that keeps them safe from harm...or at least equip to deal with it. The whole day, all I thought was "Isn't this what I'm supposed to be doing?". It almost made me a little uncomfortable because what I do for Hannah isn't abnormal...it should be normal...why isn't it?
I have started to write a pamphlet on how to be a good dad! It's going to be simple...fun...able to relate to a lot of the different situations that Dad's find themselves in. Here's a sample of a few of the topics:

Dads

Wear cargo shorts/pants whenever possible - you can fit diapers, a small box of wipes, a snot rag and a brush all in one pocket. Recommendations for the second pocket - snacks!! Make sure you include at least 1 juice box!

Keep your kid clean!!! There's nothing worse than a kid that looks like they washed their face in snot and then dusted themselves with food crumbs! I didn't say this is easy...and to a certain extent, clothes are an exception. Just wipe em up every once an hour and you'll be fine!

Watch your juevos!!! Yes...I'm talking about your testicles!! Kids have NO CLUE how bad they hurt when caught under a little foot and it WILL happen! You have to be like a prize fighter and anticipate where ALL of their little extremities will land...otherwise...no little brothers or sisters...
Lmao!! Yep...I think the "Watch your Juevos" section is funny as hell AND important! They never tell you that in baby classes! They only tell you about taking care of your CURRENT baby...not making sure you are able to have another!

I don't think I'll be done with that pamphlet for awhile because I learn so much every time I'm with Hannah. The time we spend is so precious because I don't have the luxury of having her all of the time...I think it actually has strengthened my learning curve though. I'm so in tuned with that little person when we are together that I can tell you that most of the time, I know what she's thinking or doing regardless of my proximity to her. True story, I wake up seconds before her ALL the time! It's weird!!

So how does being a daddy tie into being the General Manager of a nightclub? Believe it or not, a lot of the same qualities translate directly.You have to care about people and their lives very similarly. You have to realize that sometimes you have to make hard decisions that affect people and that they may not understand it at that very moment. Hannah doesn't understand why I won't let her jump up and down on my end table and play with the light switch but I have to have the foresight to know that the pickle juice on her little fingers will act as a conductor in an electrical socket...and that it's a long way down if she falls.
Of course it's a lot more formal when you bust someones chops for being late to work...but...it's a very similar principle. It's foresight. If they are late, it could impact the health of the night.

Even though the similarities are endless, the fact is that as a leader, you have to always remain in touch with people. I listen to Hannah when she needs something the same way I listen to my staff. It's also okay if Hannah cries sometimes. It's okay if she doesn't always get what she wants. It's okay if she gets a little mad at me because I scold her. That's all part of the process of development.

Someone recently said that I was exploiting Hannah to promote Le Passage... That's the funniest and most absurd thing I've ever heard. I tell these stories and give my thoughts to the world in order to make some sort of correlation between the insanity that I work in and the love of my life. If that's not what you get from these pieces, please stop reading them. I do everything that I do for my little girl...including download my thoughts and express things that are sometime pent up inside of me.

Initially, I started writing this blog in order to highlight some of the craziness I deal with during the weekend and how ironic that was to being the father of a little girl. This has definitely evolved into something much more. Now, it's a chronicle of how I stay sane and focused in the insanity...I just want my little girl to be proud of me. All of the temptations that come with my position are trivial in comparison to her.

Family and Sacrifice

Enter - the crowded service bar after a long 4 day weekend at Le Passage. It's Monday morning at 4:15 am...the shift ended 15 minutes ago and started at 9:30pm Sunday (even earlier if you came in to decorate for the Memorial Day celebration.) Long story short, it was a crazy week for us and now we were done...having a cocktail together and sharing the war stories of our week. Laughter fills the room of people and a high-five is delivered between co-workers. Then another, and another. Someone turns to one of the new security guys with their hand up and extended in the high-five position and he looks at the person like she's stupid. "I don't do high-fives" he says. Immediately the room grows uncomfortable and quite. (Kind of funny to witness 1st hand...you would have thought a racial slur came out of his mouth or something!) Out of respect for the fired, I'll call him "new guy". He couldn't get over himself or his little smug attitude enough to give a stupid high-five! Yep...that's right...I fired someone for not giving out high-fives. "Joel you are such a jerk!! Why would you do that??". I'll explain.
At Le Passage, we have cultivated a family. A lot of blood, sweat and tears goes into maintaining a family, both a true blood family and one that is built with people you respect and love...on where work ethic is strong and focused TOGETHER on the shift.
Back to the new guy...
I'm very receptive to people and their pasts. I understand feeling like you are on an island by yourself because their is so much camaraderie that it makes you feel weird or out of place. I also know that you have to keep your eyes open to your environment and how TO or NOT TO be part of it. I mean, hell, if I hadn't made a conscious effort to leave my neighborhood and the shadyness that I could have gotten myself wrapped up in, I'd be dead or in jail right now...true story. It's my opinion that it is AS important to know what to gravitate TOWARD as it is to know what to separate yourself from. Make sense? Turning your back on evil is only half of it...you have to know when to walk towards the good.
Aside from the non-high-fiver that he was, over the 3 days that he worked here he never decided to be part of the team. Do I think that is his fault? No. I just made the decision that in the mean time while he's out there on an island, shit can go down. I run a nightclub. If I don't know 100% that each of my guys can and will do everything in their power to keep our guests and staff safe then I can no longer work with that person. If you "don't do high-fives" then what else don't you do because you take yourself so seriously? We aren't security...we are hosts. We don't elevate the problem...we pro actively prevent them. We tell people thank you for coming because we appreciate that without them, we would be nothing. At the end of the story, I think "new guy" will put that hand up and probably over zealously smack the next high-five hand he sees.

As far as the sacrifice for family goes, sometimes you have to step outside of the situation and observe it for more than it is on that given day or week or month or year. To date, the biggest sacrifice that I have made becoming the General Manager of Le Passage has been the time that I have sacrificed with my little girl.
NO EXAGGERATION - for the 1st 18 months of her life, I had Hannah 6 days a week in the morning and worked 6 days a week at night. My schedule was literally nutz! During the 1st stage of being a daddy, I was bartending /managing a bar in wicker park. I would get out at 2 or 3 and have Hannah at 6:30am every morning. I got to sleep on Tuesday mornings because Hannah's Mommy (Melissa) worked at night on Tuesdays. I had my little angel a lot of the time then. That was very important to me. I was there for her 1st words, her first steps, 1st diaper BLOW OUTS, her 1st roll over, sit up...you name it...I was there. We couldn't afford daycare at the time but even if we could, I would have rathered sleep for 3 hours a night and catch a nap in between Daddy duty and work in order to be there.

I didn't expect to be the GM of LP...I was walking down the street 3 months after I had quit my job because of my principles (a story that I will happily share with my daughter one day). My phone rings and it is the assistant General Manager of LP at the time asking me if I can work in 2 hours. I had walked about a mile and a half south of my house for 2 reasons. 1) walking is free...I was so broke that I was beginning to wonder if my morals had gotten in the way of me providing for my little girl...I was sad. And 2) I had nothing better to do on a Saturday night.When I get the call, I realized that I didn't have enough $ to catch a cab back to my house so I ran home. Showered, shaved, grabbed my bar bag and caught the bus to work. I got there at 9:02pm. Officially the 1st and only time I have ever been late for my 1st day on the job. Long story short, the next week I had another shift, 2 weeks later I had 2 shifts, 3 weeks later I got the busy bar, a month after that they asked me to be the head bartender and about 3 months after that they asked me to be the GM. It's funny how fate works...my first exposure to a nightclub was Le Passage and it was also my first nightclub bartending job. Le Passage is also where I met the mother of my child. Who knew that 5 years later, I'd be back as the GM? As good as I feel about that story, I knew that accepting my current job would be a huge sacrifice of my time. Sounds crazy, right? We're open 3 nights a week but I work damn near every day...a lot goes into creating, maintaining and executing a great party every week people. It's taken a lot to get people to believe in me as their leader but even more so as their equal. I tell people all the time that we work together...no one works FOR me...only WITH me. I believe that what I am doing, even though I now only have 2 MAYBE 3 days with my daughter, is the right thing. Looking to her future I see school, clothes, toys, shotguns (for me and her crazy uncles), cars, college, a wedding and grand children. It's a well-known fact that full-time tip-based employees (bartenders, servers, etc) make more money than most industry manager! If you divide the amount of hours a week that we work, there is NO ONE that gets paid as low as the managers! Lol! But that's ooooooooookay...I feel like this was the best move for me to grow into a better business man and provider for Hannah. I know that I made the right decision. I am growing. The business is growing by the week. The buzz is growing. All I want is for people to know that I was associated with it...there's plenty of credit to be distributed amongst my team...my family.

I really didn't know that this blog was going to go like this...I can't help it, nor do I want to. My mommy always tells me that if you share what God has blessed you with and it reaches ONE person then you have done well. Hey...I'm a competitor!! I want to reach at least 2 peeps! Lol! Bye!

Sacrifice is good IF it's for a reason...sacrifice is GREAT if it's for family. - Joel D. Barnes

5.23.09 - My first 1st blog

So, the idea of writing a blog has been rolling around in my head for. some time now. I recently reached out to my friends on Twitter and Facebook to help me name the collection of my writings. The message asked what I should name a blog that essentially is about being the father of a little girl and running a nightclub at the same time. "Day and Night...It's All About Her" (Thanks Dan!) Obviously, there are so many things that conflict with what I do but much to my surprise, there are a great deal of things that go hand-in-hand about it as well!

I want to write about the conflicts, the struggles, the lessons I've learned, the family that I have grown, the ugly side of my business, the beautiful way it unites people and how I got to the place in my life that allows me to step back, observe it all and influence lives. Last part sound silly? Wonder how I influence lives in the nightclub business? The short answer...I drive a business. It provides for everyone from the owners to the dishwashers. Everyone needs money to live, right? My #1 goal at Le Passage is to make something so great that it provides for all those that rely on me.

If my motivations are so righteous than why write about it? I want something that's mine, all mine! What better than my story? What better way to talk to my little girl who can't understand me now but one day will. People will always ask or question my motivation and I'm okay with that...As long as Hannah Marie never does.

Also, I've always know that there would be a day that I wrote. I've tried to journal before and it hasn't worked very well. I need an audience. The concept is the same because writing provides a type of therapy to the writer. It allows one to be alone with their thoughts, reflect on them and in essence develop themselves. I think it's crucial that I develop as a person and this is the first time in my life that I have decided to focus on that. Lol...at the end of the day, if I make myself better I can make the world better. If I make the world better, it's a better place for my little girl...and your little girl or boy...and their kids. I think I'm in this world to make it better and I will.

Not what you thought this blog would be about so far?? Lol...me either! I just started writing and that's what came out.

Something tells me that if you are looking to read something shallow, this may not be the blog for you. :) I'll let you know what's awesome at Le Passage, or who came in, or what event we have coming up etc. I'll also let you know HONESTLY if the celeb that came in is an ass, or if they were cool or if things don't go quite the way we anticipated. I'll be the real Joel David Barnes. ALWAYS.

If you see my tweets or facebook status updates, you know that I send a lot of messages about my little girl. Since the goal of this blog is to highlight both being a father to her and being the General Manager of Le Passage, I will make sure to include a story about Hannah each time I write. Here's the first one:
Whenever I'm with Hannah we try to get out of the house and go for walks around my neighborhood. Even when it was chilly we would bundle up and at least go to the store around the corner. There is an old Asian woman that walks around my neighborhood and I have seen her for years. She always walks with her head down towards the ground and walks so slowly. I've lived on the north side (Irving Park and Lakeshore) since I moved to Chicago 9 years ago. I've been in my current apartment for 6 years and I have seen her since then. Long story short, I've never seen this woman's eyes...until recently. I was on a walk with Hannah and we approached the woman coming toward us. Hannah like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day...she penetrates your soul with goodness and purity. Sure enough, this sad old woman walked slowly toward us and my little angel simply looks up at her and says "Hiiii". This woman didn't know what hit her! It was like a light switch flipped on. That woman smiled SO big and said "hi" back and giggled and stared at my little girl. She smiled so deeply that it had to go as far as her heart! Hannah was 18 months old...this woman, probably 70...Hannah knew 20 words in English and this woman may have know 5...but they communicated. I still smile about that story...

That's what I got for my first blog...hope you like it and will read again. I want this to be a vehicle that I use to grow my knowledge, grow my business and grow my wisdom. PLEASE feel free to comment! I will read them!

Joel David Barnes
Daddy to Hannah Marie Barnes
General Manager to Le Passage